For My Gain and Not At My Expense: Take Care of You

A person like myself wants to please often. I would rather limit my wants for someone else to be comfortable. #peoplepleasingproblems. I will alter my boundaries to accommodate someone else…at my own expense. And for what? discomfort and for my needs to not be met. Really Bianca!?!

To some like me, this is the norm but not for Simone Biles nor Naomi Osaka. It seems revolutionary but it is the essence of self care. Even at the height of greatness, choose yourself. They both choose self and self preservation over society. You would think to have fame, resources, and access would mean you are set and happy…absolutely NOT! If two beautiful, talented, great athletes need a break, then even little ole me, can figure out ways to choose myself.

Were people outraged? Yes

Were people disappointed? Yes.

Did they die? No.

No one lives your life. Ultimately, no one is living in your body but you. If saying no saves your life and sanity, do it. I’m learning to choose me. Whether it be taking intentional breaks at work, eating alone to recharge, saying no, therapy, breathing exercises, etc. etc…I choose myself. Some people are willing to take and take and take…and they could care less about your needs. Act on what you need. Now we are all not like Ms. Biles nor Ms. Osaka, but find a way to choose yourself in the spaces you inhabit. To some, you are replaceable. But you are only you for a moment in time.

Take care of yourself.

Choose you.

Blissfully,

Bianca

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Simple Bliss: Gratitude List

Though I am grateful internally, I wanted to express gratitude externally for this season of life. It is easy to talk about what is going wrong in your life and things you want to fix/change. I’m speaking to myself. Just know, there is always room to give gratitude.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Yes, be grateful in ALL things. So here is my gratitude list:

1. My mental clarity has evolved in the way I protect my mind, body, and spirit. Therapy has been a game-changer. I see its positive effects in the way I carry myself and deal with situations.
2. My style is AMAZING! My LEWKS for the spring and summer are beautiful and just my style.
3. Having a job has given me some financial relief. A steady paycheck is good to have.
4. My summer hair is GOALS (to me)! Long, brown braids…yup. I be cute!
5. I am grateful for my support group of family and friends. There are some days where I do not feel my best. They are a text and prayer away from giving me encouragement. I feel loved and it is a great feeling. I am blessed for my tribe and my tribe knows who they are
6. My new church- truly a great community.

Enough about me. What are you grateful for like right now? It will make you feel good when you list it. It does not have to be big…it can be as simple as waking up to see another day. But, do that and you will see the difference in your mood.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Not Luck but Discerning Self-Care

God has been teaching so much in this current season of life. A big thing I have been working through is speaking kindness, grace, and truth to myself.

I am my own worst critic. I can speak kinder to a stranger than my own soul. When my plans don’t go as planned or I deal with setbacks, I just fall in despair and allow the Enemy to speak lies. My anxiety is heightened and I get into this headspace of hopelessness. I am blessed to have people in my life to encourage me, to lead me to Christ, and to pray for me. Though I am glad I have them, they should be the last people I go to.

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Sometimes I feel God is so silent, it’s almost like I am all alone (but that’s the Enemy). In all actuality, I’m not alone; I am just not still. That is a problem: It’s hard to be still when your mind is running 500 miles an hour.

I had a moment of anxiety last week and my family and friends said “Do not worry about the unknown. God has a plan.” I have struggled with when this current season will shift. I am in a season of waiting and it’s hard. It just weighed heavily last week.

And I was reminded of these verses:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:6-7

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

So I am working on being kinder to myself. Give myself credit on how far I have come while waiting for the next step. Easier said than done but I am trying to take charge of my mental health and being. Knowing God’s Word helps fight the thoughts that can run me ragged. Doing my quiet time and being present in the moment. Interacting with fellow believers to keep me accountable. And stop and breath.

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A mantra I say some times is “daily bread.” I am referring to the Lord’s Prayer passage, “give us this day our daily bread.” I repeat it because it reminds me to be present now. I can focus what God has put in front of me and that’s all. That is what I need: daily bread from the One who gives it freely.

This revelation is not based on luck but on self-care and personal discernment for better. It is my form of self-care. Self-care is not just the physical things one does. I love to shop, get my nails done, have brunch, paint, etc. etc. But self-care is also the emotional and mental ways you care for your mind.

Like all of you, I am a work in progress. I am flawed but loved by a perfect Savior. I don’t reach perfection in this life. I have to keep bearing fruit allowing God to prune and grow me. So this is my growth and my self-care journey.

That’s me.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Take A Step Back

I am learning more each day about taking a step back. It does not mean you are incompetent but are aware of your boundaries. As a reformed perfectionist and people-pleaser, I am getting better in taking an intentional step back. I cannot give what I do not have. I need to recharge, rest, and have a moment of silence/solitude. It’s a form of self-care that I am tapping into.

So to start 2020, I am taking a step back. I am taking a little sabbatical till March to rest from blogging and work on life. Yours truly needs self-care. I want to focus on other things in my life.

Don’t worry. I have wonderful ideas for 2020. I want to continue to grow but also need to take a step back.

Keep reading and hold on. I will be back again. Love you all Bliss Fam.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Back to Basics: Love Yourself

It’s a simple concept but it is important. You can’t take care of anyone if you can’t take care yourself. You can pour your heart out and give your time, energy, and spirit to work, activities, clubs/organizations, school, church, friends, and family. But who is left empty? You.

I know from experience. I know what it is like spreading yourself thin. I am naturally a people pleaser; I want everyone to be happy. But I overexerted myself. I was depressed and drained putting on a smile for the world and dying on the inside. I would stress myself out to the point where I could not sleep and my overall health was unstable.

I had to take my life back. This is an ongoing issue I struggle with so I am preaching to myself as well as you.

Keep these tips in mind for your self-care:

1. Learn to say no. Not everything thrown in front of you is a high priority. Yes, there are things that you need to take care immediately. But, know that your self-care is a high priority as well.
2. Organize your priorities. Whether it is a daily to-do list, a calendar, an app, organize your life. I personally have my calendar app and calendar to get dates and events together. It is important to take time to sit down and write/type stuff out. I forget this but with my schedule being busier, I need to prioritize so I don’t overbook.
3. Set time for yourself. Whether it is a 30 minute block or a whole day, you need time to recharge. Fill yourself up. You don’t have to go out. You can rest and not look at your phone, read, or just do something relaxing. I have to set “me time” for my own sanity. It’s really nice when you take a moment to breathe. Things I do: I paint (whether it’s a paint class or my own home paint night), I read, I run, I sleep. You need to unwind in some way so make that time.
4. Don’t feel rushed to make a decision. You know those people who say “I need a decision NOW!” I say, They can wait. No person should ever pressure you to make rash decisions or commit to something so quickly. I am excluding emergency situations but you know where I am getting at?
5. Be a little selfish. Like I said, you need to make yourself a priority every once and a while. There is nothing wrong with “me time.” The people who need you will still be there after your break.

Remember your body works when you work towards your own well-being. You have to be honest with yourself. Do you take time for yourself? Like I said, it does not need to be a whole day, just a few minutes. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Your body will thank you.

Blissfully,

Bianca