It’s hard to let go things that you can’t control. I am learning there are things and experiences that can’t be helped to be honest. I am only in control my reaction. Sometimes situations call for letting it go.
Yes friend, let it go. **Insert Elsa singing “Let It Go”**
Energy is wasted when you try to solve something that is out of your hands. It is not giving up. I used to think I had to care about everything and everyone’s opinion of me. NO! LET IT GO. I pack on the anxieties and emotions of everyone/thing and forget myself.
I have had to learn it is not necessarily me per se. Sometimes it is another person’s insecurities, worries, and hurts put on me. Sometimes the situation is beyond my control and I just happen to be there. I am responsible for me and my sanity. Call it being selfish…but I can only take care of me in a situation.
You may ask: how do you let it go, Bianca? I take inventory of the situation. Did I add to this issue? What is my role in this person’s turmoil or situation? If I add to it, can I make the situation better? If so, how? ( Pretty much: I try to think and/or act to make the situation better, if possible.)
I find that most of the times, even with my best intentions and best efforts, situations don’t go as expected. I just have to remind myself that I did my best. Sometimes my best is not enough but that does not make me a terrible person. I have to let it go; it’s not my burden to carry. I am constantly learning and evolving in my “let it go” moments. I’m not perfect but I am intentionally learning to prioritize myself.
So yes, the art of letting go is REAL. Don’t let everything in life overwhelm you. It’s not worth your sanity. Take inventory of the situation and figure out where you fit in. If you have no part, don’t insert yourself. Let it go.
It is not enough to say “I want to change XYZ. I need to get out.”
You have to do something…like actually act. If you keep complaining, then you will be like a dog chasing its tail. As a friend, I would remember giving the same advice over and over again (run myself into the ground) to friends who knew what they had to do. I also had to realize I can want change for someone else but if they do not take the steps, it is not my fault.
Don’t blame and complain if you refuse to change.
It’s ok to be selfish and take care of yourself. You are the only person living YOUR LIFE. No one has to live with the consequences but YOU.
Yes, change is hard. I am speaking to myself on this too. But is being in the same position worth it? Is that person really worth it? Is that situation worth the pain and hurt you feel?
Let the change crescendo and catapult into a better version of life.
Change it or live in it. That’s the choice you have to make.
The people you start with may not be the people you end with. Some people are meant to be in a season for a reason. It happens. Personally, a new season meant letting go of the people and things that do not fit or pose a threat to my personal change. It is hard but it is needed. Educate yourself of what you need to change. Your future self will thank you. What are the things you need to remove in your new season?
I understand the long wait because I am still waiting at 27. No sex without marriage…it is what it is. I have Biblical reasons but there are personal reasons why I am waiting. Yes, people find me crazy, traditional, and naive. I even had someone tell me “how will you know what you like.” But I am waiting for my God-given partner and I do not need to settle.
Yvonne Orji is an actress and yes, she is waiting too. Her words are so real to me. Being a virgin seems strange to society…like it’s some disorder or disease I need to be cured of. It’s NOT. I want God’s best for me. I want to best too. Enjoy!!
Your attitude reflects how your day, week, month, and year. Have an attitude of gratitude. Take life with a grain of sand. Take life one step at a time. Things will get better. You are more relieved with an attitude of gratitude. Day by day, minute by minute, a grateful attitude will take you farther than you can imagine.
In our society and even within the black community, black women get a bad reputation. I have been told by black men that they would not want to date a black woman. I have seen comedians, celebrities, and social media folks have their “theory of black women.” Some of society’s opinions of black women include, but are not limited to, too loud, too demanding, too much attitude, too much drama, “just too much,” etc.
Real Talk: BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT BUILT THE SAME.
I know beautiful, smart black women who are not like that at all. I believe we, black women, arebrassy: shamelessly bold. We love hard, we work hard, and we hustle hard.
Real Talk: For your information, I do not need to men to validate who I am. So your opinion is not needed.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my Creator. I am not perfect but I am not disposable. I am growing into a smart, brassy, African American Princess of the King of Kings. He made no mistake on me. He calls me Beloved. He does not delegitimize my worth based on my color and societal stereotypes. I am shamelessly bold and Blissfully Bianca.
Real Talk: To the critics, deal with the black girl magic or get to steppin cause Mama B don’t need you.
So I had my last Barrister’s Ball (Law School Prom) this past weekend. I felt very beautiful….dare I say it, SEXY!! That is a word I am not really described as on a regular basis. But my mom made me realize something. She said you are a beautiful, smart, sexy woman. My mom said woman and I was taken back. I am a now a woman in my mother’s eyes. Crazy!!!
I am on the cusp of greatness. It is hard for me to picture that I am a woman called by the Creator to live a set-apart life in this day in age. Sometimes I still think I am an 18 year old trying to figure things out. I do not know if I could ever see this girl in the picture as me in the future. But look what God can do!!I am Me. I am really living out my dreams. I am a beautiful, smart, talented, sexy woman. I never would have expected my life to be the way it now. ButGod knew what He was doing.
By December, I will be a law school graduate. By next February, I will have taken the Bar. After that, I do not know. Knowing that scares me. I am really on the cusp of what God put me on this Earth to do.Wow! What a concept!
I feel like I am climbing up the mountains of life. I know that the top is within reach. With every step I take, I am changing my view. I am seeing new horizons. I do fall on some valleys but I keep climbing. I do not know what the future holds but I do know my greatness is because of the Greatest.
I don’t know about you but I thought my parents were SO uncool in my pre-teen and teen years. My parents ran a Haitian household in America. My parents are God-fearing Christians who love their children. My parents had rules and standards that I thought was too much. Now, as an adult, I see how blessed I am to have to have their love, discipline, and guidance.
So here are some of the many ordinary lessons I live by thanks to mom and dad.
You can never go wrong with following Christ.As I grow in my faith, He has not failed me once. The world’s opinion tends to fade away the older I get. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Some people actually want you to fail. But God’s intentions is to give you a life abundant in Him. Following Him is the best decision I made.
Be a good citizen. Now I was always confused when my mom said “Be a good citizen” every time I left the house. What my mom meant was to have good character everywhere you go. Have integrity, be kind, be trustworthy, be respectful. Believe it or not, I got a Citizenship Award in school and it clicked. Actions speak louder than words.
Never envy another person’s life because you do not know what they did to attain that lifestyle. As a kid growing up, my mom always said “I send you to school to learn, not to have a fashion show.” My parents did provide clothes, food, and supplies to live on. I did not have or wear the latest trends. My parents wanted me to show off my mind. And showing my mind has paid off because I am almost done with law school. Besides, some of the beautiful people that I went to high school with are not all well off. The uncool kid is going places, thanks mom and dad.
Give. I saw my parents give their time and resources to help people. They never forget where they came from. My parents did not have the life I had but that did not stop them from giving to others. My Heavenly Father and earthly parents have given so much to me. So I will give back as they give to me.
Be You. My parents always say that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am smart, beautiful and kind.” Not everyone in the world will like me. But my parents say to be me in spite of it. So I will be Blissfully Me.
So I will encourage you with my parents’ ordinary lessons of life. They have truly made the difference in my life. Take these ordinary steps and experience the extraordinary changes that come with it.