Confessions of a 32 Year Single Lady on the Biggest Love Day of the Year

Today may be another day. Today may be the awareness of a mourned relationship, a love that may never be, or a love yet to be. Or today may be the best day.

All I want you to know is that it’s ok to struggle today.

Believe me, I am in year 32 still single. I struggle. There are varying emotions I feel.

I try to remember that there are people who love me and support me every day.

I try to remember that I am ok.

I try to remember that my feelings are valid.

I try to remember to hold space for that longing if there is someone out there for me.

I try to block those feelings that I will never find someone and this is my sad reality.

I try to block out the negative and sometimes well-meaning pity comments…you know: “He will come when you least expect it. God has a plan in your singleness. God is your boyfriend…blah…blah..blah.”

I just try to give love to those around me the best way I can.

I just try to remember to survive the next 24 hours and then I can buy discounted Valentine candy on February 15.

I will try my best today so you should too. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Advertisement

The Modern Proverbs 31 Bride

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.-Proverbs 31:10-12, 23

I have been wondering how to approach this one. I thought of copping out and talking about my mom. I wanted to say this has nothing to do with me because I am single.

But then I thought to speak into existence me, Bianca, as a wife (scary…I know). I just want to put in existence what I would like to say to my husband. Not out of desperation but out of the scripture.

So to my husband:

I hope I am the treasure you were waiting for. I know you have searched for me, talked to the Father about me, and have been counseled in finding me. I hope to be the treasure that you continue to pursue. Know that I will hold you down in good times and bad. Though only Christ can fill and satisfy your whole heart, may I fill your life with love, support, loyalty, happiness this side of heaven. I pray for the grace to do right by you. I pray for the wisdom to speak life into you and to remain silent when needed. Though you may upset me (and you will), I promise you extend grace as God gives me. I hope to make you proud. I hope you make the world jealous of our love as Christ is jealous for us. I promise to try. I promise to love. I promise to be yours. 

I spoke what I would say. It would be interesting if I got to say these words someday. But for now, I will leave it to Christ.

Blissfully,

Bianca

See You Later

When God has the plan, you must do your part. 

You must work for your success.

Sacrifice in the short term for success in the long haul.

As of today, Blissfully Bianca will be on hiatus for me to focus on my Bar studies. This is not goodbye forever. I will be back at the end of July. God really convicted me on this and has used people to call me out on my distractions. If I want victory and success, then I have to fight with everything I have.

The Bar is a tough, scary monster but I know all things are possible through Jesus. I know He has a plan and a purpose for me. But I need to be obedient, make tough decisions, and make tough sacrifices.

You have all been such a great, fun community of friends. I will miss your presence and all of your stories. Keep reading my posts. They are still there to encourage and uplift you. You have been a beautiful distraction to me. Love you all.

You are worthy in God’s eyes.

God has a plan and purpose for you.

Keep encouraging yourself and each other.

Live and be thankful each day.

Be unapologetically and blissfully you.

 

Blissfully,

Bianca

 

 

 

A Word from Mama B!

Just Be.

It is important when you are single to be the person you want to be.

Never stop evolving.

Don’t dim that light.

Take on new experiences.

Your life is not incomplete because it’s just you.

It is the beginning of something greater.

Wear your banner with pride.

Just Be.

Dim

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Basic Love Principle

Love is not a selective, suspicious process for certain worthy people. Some people replace love with name-calling, discrimination, and stereotyping. Some of the worst people who do that are Christians. They love God and know scripture yet they stare and prejudice people in their own church that are different from them. I have been a victim to that as if I am lesser than because of the way I am. Some people believe that some are worthy of love and that is not what God intended. I love who I am because God says I am worthy. 

Love transcends race, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Love comes from God. Jesus showed His love to everyone even though some will never come to faith. Jesus was not selective but wants everyone to come to faith. It is a simple command: love people because Jesus loves you. Jesus created us all in His image. No one is better than the other. 

So friends, be kind and love even when it is difficult. It’s as simple as saying hello and looking someone in the eye.

I close with this scripture. Happy Valentine’s Day! Love is for all people.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.  This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.  There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.  Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.- 1 John 4:7-21

Suspicious

Blissfully,

Bianca

Greatest, Blissful Love Songs

These are some of my favorite love songs. If I ever fall in love, these songs may make more sense to me. Love can be simplified through song. I always get the feels when I hear these songs.  This is my Love on My Mind playlist.

1. Endless Love-Lionel Richie & Diana Ross
2. I Will Always Love You-Whitney Houston
3. Let’s Stay Together- Al Green
4. The Power of Love-Celine Dion
5. All of Me-John Legend
6. Perfect-Ed Sherran
7. A Sunday Kind Of Love-Etta James
8. No Ordinary Love- Sade
9. You’re All I Need-Marvin Gaye
10. Signed, Sealed, Delivered-Stevie Wonder
11. I Like It-Debarge
12. For Once In My Life-Stevie Wonder

What are your favorite love songs?

Simplify

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Choice to Be Single?

***A satirical take on my single lady experience externally and internally.

Friend: “Bianca, I am going to a year off. I am going to be single for a year.”

 

Me Internally “Excuse me!?!”

I am bewildered at the thought that “Miss ‘I can get anyone I want'” just wants a break.

Try being single for 27 years. No prospects.

You think I chose this!?! I know myself really well yet nothing.

I would like to take a break from being single. Take a year to date.

I am quite the catch. Pretty, smart, driven, a Christian…what’s not to like.

But I don’t want to  just have short-term flings.

I want something meaningful.

So I will wait again..wait for the right one.

Be single. Again for another day, another week, another month, another year.

A choice I have set for myself.

 

Externally telling my Friend: Yeah girl. You do that. Take that time for yourself. Single life is awesome.

And I move on…

Bewildered

Blissfully,

Bianca

Love Beyond the Photos

28 years ago, my parents were married at a church in Stamford, Connecticut. The picture above is my favorite picture of them. Two young people with a lifetime ahead. The bottom picture is just a picture that shows their essence overtime.

They never anticipated moving to a different state, never anticipated having a sickle cell child or a child with autism, never anticipated the obstacles ahead. But they knew that they wanted to face life together. They faced triumphs and trials through God’s guidance and providence.

They continue to last beyond their wedding photos. They continue to grow together, get on each other’s nerves, dream together, support each other, respect each other, and love each other.

My parents still have their moments where it seems like they are still dating and young again. It’s icky but cute.

I want just that. A marriage that lasts beyond the engagement photos and wedding photos. A partnership. A best friend. A bae who will love me in spite of my faults. That is what I hope for.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Breath of the Father’s Air

It is Father’s Day. For some, it is a great time to celebrate dads. For others, it’s a difficult day whether a father is in Heaven, non-existence, or just no where to be found. My father’s father and my mother’s father was absent and distant. And yet, the Heavenly Father loved them so much and carried them through life.

My Heavenly Father sent His only Son to die for you and me. No matter where you are, He loves you unconditionally. He will always be in your corner. He provides and sustains. He is everything and more. Even if you don’t have an earthly father, you do have a Heavenly Father who sits high and loves deeply.

One of my favorite hymns is “How Deep the Father’s Love For Us.”

How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Blissfully,

Bianca

Blissful Reasons Why I Could Never Be The Black Bachelorette

So I was intrigued. The first African-American Bachelorette made her debut on primetime television. I have never watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette series but I made an exception. While turned on by the beautiful male specimen, I also thought about Rachel, the Bachelorette. I could never do what she has decided to do: To catapult into love by picking a guy from a group of strangers in a matter of months.

Here are some reasons why I could never be the Black Bachelorette:

1. I have a group of men surrounding me and wanting my attention. I love men. I am an extrovert. But 31 men surrounding me would make me claustrophobic.
2. I am too awkward for TV. I have to express my quirky, awkward self  to a guy on national television. NO WAY!
3. I do not like being alone with a guy. Weird, I know but let me explain. Things like  “Hey, can I steal you away?” “Let’s go out and talk.” or a guy pulling me or taking my hand and making me go with him. I do not function like that. I need witnesses around me and public moments before I can trust being alone with a guy.
4. My heart is one organ so I can’t split it to every guy on the show. Too many men to keep up with.  I do not know how to juggle men. Some girls consider that a talent. I do not know how to serial date so yeah…
5. I am traditional. You have to work for the benefits of me. The physical aspects will not be instant; I need to be comfortable with you and really have a connection with you. Kissing comes after several dates, not the first date. Meeting my family and important people in my life is a big step. I date for marriage not for a fling. A ring means access to privacy in the bedroom. I don’t give myself easily to men.
6. I don’t function well with heartbreak. No one does but I am dedicated and trusting. I am very sensitive. I think of Proverbs 4:23-Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. So I don’t give my heart to anyone.

So, you will not see me on the Bachelor or Bachelorette..sorry ya’ll. I will fall in love the old-fashion way.  I am smart (future lawyer), kind, loyal, creative, loveable Christ-follower. Call me crazy but I guard my feelings and heart. Good luck to Rachel and her path to love. People fall in love in different ways but traditional is the way I roll. Maybe there is someone out there for me or not. Either way, I will get a dog. But loving myself, God, and the people who love me for me is my path of love.

Catapult

Blissfully,

Bianca