I let go the foolishness of other people’s toxicity levels. If a person wants to live their life at a 2 star-quality of life, let them be who they want to be…but you do not have to stand for their 2-star review of you. Live in your 5-star quality purpose. PERIODT!
I was talking with a dear friend about relationships. This friend ended a relationship simply because it was like pulling teeth with her partner to want better out of life and make healthy lifestyle choices. My friend tries to operate her life at a 5-star quality. Though life is hard for my friend, she perseveres and moves forward. That’s just the way she’s been raised: to live fearfully and wonderfully made by her Creator, to have self-pride, to carry herself well, and to be resilient in spite of her circumstances…5-star living and nothing less.
Life is not perfect but you have to give it all you got.
But her partner functioned at a 2-star. Now, I am not talking looks. I am referring to the quality of life you bring to the table. Your values, your confidence, your goals, etc. etc. When my friend (5 star) got together with her 2-star partner, there were moments of contention. The two star criticized my friend’s 5-star living as if she was vain and self-absorbed…but that could be far of the truth. Her two-star partner has had past relationships with other 2-stars so my friend, the 5 star was so different. So it just created problems and my friend left the relationship cause it was too much.
I’m not trying to judge or put anyone down. Here is my point: every person has a choice in life on whether to rise above or stay stagnant. Whatever you chose is whatever you chose but just know people may not understand your choice. Don’t let a 2-star’s insecurities affect what you are trying to do.
Don’t let someone’s low star quality affect what you are trying to do. Whether you are at 3 or 5 or at least striving for that, don’t let people shame you into a lower level. Yes, you are human and you are allowed to feel emotion BUT if you have the fight in you, don’t let anything nor anyone downgrade you. NEVER!
Let the 2-star BE the 2-star…just not in your presence.
It’s hard to let go things that you can’t control. I am learning there are things and experiences that can’t be helped to be honest. I am only in control my reaction. Sometimes situations call for letting it go.
Yes friend, let it go. **Insert Elsa singing “Let It Go”**
Energy is wasted when you try to solve something that is out of your hands. It is not giving up. I used to think I had to care about everything and everyone’s opinion of me. NO! LET IT GO. I pack on the anxieties and emotions of everyone/thing and forget myself.
I have had to learn it is not necessarily me per se. Sometimes it is another person’s insecurities, worries, and hurts put on me. Sometimes the situation is beyond my control and I just happen to be there. I am responsible for me and my sanity. Call it being selfish…but I can only take care of me in a situation.
You may ask: how do you let it go, Bianca? I take inventory of the situation. Did I add to this issue? What is my role in this person’s turmoil or situation? If I add to it, can I make the situation better? If so, how? ( Pretty much: I try to think and/or act to make the situation better, if possible.)
I find that most of the times, even with my best intentions and best efforts, situations don’t go as expected. I just have to remind myself that I did my best. Sometimes my best is not enough but that does not make me a terrible person. I have to let it go; it’s not my burden to carry. I am constantly learning and evolving in my “let it go” moments. I’m not perfect but I am intentionally learning to prioritize myself.
So yes, the art of letting go is REAL. Don’t let everything in life overwhelm you. It’s not worth your sanity. Take inventory of the situation and figure out where you fit in. If you have no part, don’t insert yourself. Let it go.
If there is one thing the pandemic has taught me, it has taught me work is not sum total of my being. Work is something I do but I still need to be a person. I am more than my 8 hour work shift. But I can still be me even in my workday.
I have made boundaries to keep my mental sanity at work. I work in a field with intense deadlines and stress ( but isn’t that every job…). I also don’t work from home. It’s a lot that can be thrown at you. So keeping a level head is the game plan.
This is my list as a reference. I encourage you to try and cultivate healthy, sane moments in your workday. So here is my list:
Get UP and OUT of your work space. I try after 45 minutes to an hour after working diligently to get up…whether to go to the bathroom, the break room, or get a snack. I sit for my job so it is good to work out the muscles.
Honor your lunch break. The work is not going anywhere. My job (and most jobs) take that hour anyways. Thankfully, my office building has a guest area where I eat. It’s a change of scenery. I listen to a podcast or music or call my mom. I get a breather. It’s a time for me to recharge and that’s ok.
Tea time. The mid-day slowdown is real. I make my tea (I buy it so it is mine alone) and I make it at 3 or before then to enjoy. It soothes me and also helps me to keep working. I get off work at 6PM so I will need a jump.
Affirmations I Mediate On– The caring, type-A empath wants everything to be perfect but reality does not work that way. Sometimes I mess up or I do not finish all that I need to in a particular day. I am really hard on myself. Affirmations fight the negative. So what I say is: Bianca, you are one person. You can only do so much in 8 hours. You are human. You are learning.
Working Music-Depending on the assignment I am working on, I listen to music to focus, to calm my spirits, and to add a little “fun” in my work.
Talk to God– God is only a call away. My anxiety gets the best of me. In a high stress environment, it is easy to fall in despair. But, when I call on God, He helps me manage the day. Whether it’s a meeting I have, working on a case, or a client meeting, God will calm me or make the situation better/manageable. God gave me this job so it’s ok to talk about my job with him.
That’s my game plan. It has helped. It keeps my workday manageable though it is not easy. A job is a part of your life but not the sum of your being unless you make it that way. You can use my list and come up with little, sane moments of joy during your workday and workweek.
This time last year, summer was spent inside. Yes, some still ventured like there was not a global pandemic outside. But, me, myself, and I stayed safe and erred on the side of caution for my health and my family’s health.
But ya girl is vaxxed and READY FOR SUMMER. To specify, a warm, Christian grown lady summer. I’m not going crazy but I really want to do stuff. So, here is my list for Summer 2021.
Outdoor Activity (i.e. a hike, go to the park, etc.)
Do something daring *Bonus*
A spa day
Brunch with a friend(s)
A fun redemption birthday celebration (June 28th baby!!)
I am learning more each day about taking a step back. It does not mean you are incompetent but are aware of your boundaries. As a reformed perfectionist and people-pleaser, I am getting better in taking an intentional step back. I cannot give what I do not have. I need to recharge, rest, and have a moment of silence/solitude. It’s a form of self-care that I am tapping into.
So to start 2020, I am taking a step back. I am taking a little sabbatical till March to rest from blogging and work on life. Yours truly needs self-care. I want to focus on other things in my life.
Don’t worry. I have wonderful ideas for 2020. I want to continue to grow but also need to take a step back.
Keep reading and hold on. I will be back again. Love you all Bliss Fam.
Thrive each day of your life. Be a better version of you. It does not need to be grand. Make an intentional, daily decision to not stay the same. Transform! Be magnetic and attract the good and repel the bad. Yesterday is the past. Today is the present. What are you waiting for?
I can relate to this. I feel a prickle of fear and inadequacy almost every day. I can stress over all my inadequacies all day but what will that do? Know you that you are one person. You are a human being. Do the best you can. Your best is your best. If anyone has a problem, then tough…you have done with you can.
We know our family and friends mean well but really!?! If we needed your help and guidance, we would ask. Singlehood is not a sad place if you don’t wallow waiting your soulmate. I live a wonderful fulfilling life as a single person. God’s providence has not lessened or changed because it’s just me.
I asked some of my peers the words/phrases they tire of hearing:
Oh, I’m sorry.
*Asks my age*… You should be married.
You know that’s usually when God brings the right buy along
It will happen when you least expect it
Why aren’t you married?
You’ve got plenty of time
That’s a shame. You’re such a lovely girl
You’re not getting any younger. If you wait too long you won’t be able to have kids.
You’ll find the right one and just know
God has His plan for you, just wait it out
If you don’t settle, you’ll never have kids
Your standards are too high.
A degree is nice but it can’t love you back.
Your deliveryof constant criticism of my relationship status is discouraging and flat out annoying (sorry not sorry). Family and Friends, like I said we know you mean well. If we wanted someone, we would say something. Instead of pitying and criticizing your single peeps, why not ask us about:
What are you up these days?
What are your goals?
What is new in your life?
Single people have lives. We are interesting too. We just want you to love and RESPECT where we are. That is all.