Mental Health Matters to Me

It would be foolish of me not to acknowledge that May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

A lesson God is teaching me is valuing my mental health. A wise person once told me, ” If you have heart issues, you take heart medication. If you have a headache, you take headache medicine. So if you have issues with your brain and mind, why not take care of that too?”

I’m not saying that you need to take prescription medicine (if you feel you need to, seek a medical provider for assistance and resources. no shame if you need it). What I mean is why not take care of your mental health? Your mindset matters in everything you do. The way you move matters based on how you treat your mind.

For me, it has been a journey. For many years, therapy was a dirty word…like rich white people problems or the 90s sitcom, Fraiser was my first impression of therapy. In the African American community and the Immigrant Community, therapy is taboo. You just learn to deal and keep moving and not look crazy. As a Christian, I was told to pray it away.

While it may work for some, it did not work for me. I wrestled with my own thoughts and buried it in the deepest parts of my being. I maintained a facade, a mask of sorts to hide my depression and anxiety. But even that temporary solution failed….

The pandemic really brought me to a head where I could not hide from my thoughts.

But God…

God gave me love and assurance in little things. I would cling to the hem of His garment and hope for better. He gave me the resource of a Black, Christian, female therapist earlier this year. It has helped getting out my feelings, doubts, and insecurities. I can explore different facets of my identity as a black woman and as a Christian. I have learned so much through speaking my truth and using the Bible to fight against the Enemy. My church family and my personal relationship with God helps me navigate my life. Therapy does not negate my relationship with Christ, it gives me more Godly tools to move in my daily life.

I tell my story because I want you to know: MENTAL HEALTH AND THERAPY IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. I don’t want you to feel shame nor guilt for taking care of your mind. Each person is different in their mental health needs. One is not any worse or any better. If it helps, it helps.

You matter.

Your sanity matters.

Your mindset matters.

Your life matters.

Your mental health matters.

Only you know what you need. Acknowledge what you need. It does not necessarily have to be in-person therapy, there is online therapy. You can get a gratitude journal, listen to soothing music, eliminate toxic people and create boundaries, etc, etc.

Just care for your mind. God gave you this body and this life for a moment in time. So make good use of your time. Take care of your mental soul.

Blissfully,

Bianca

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Serve In the Waiting

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Something God has taught me is there is purpose in the waiting. When God calls you to wait, it is not like a waiting room at a doctor’s office where you fiddle your thumbs till your name is called. No, God is preparing you for the next moment or season of life.

I say this because I am in a long season of waiting. Initially, I thought waiting was pointless like a waiting room. I just existed and tried to live. But life is more than pleasing myself. Through time and some growth, I realized the true meaning of “the wait.”

One thing I know about God is that He does not work idly, thinking as He goes. He creates moments of preparation for the next thing. God created the universe in seven days. Could He have just snapped His finger and make everything come into existence? Yes. But He chose to take His time to create and fashion everything.

God would bring different people to my path and for whatever reason had a need. Whether it was a church friend, family, friends, or stranger, their presence served a purpose. Whether it was meeting a simple need or using my skills to serve another, God had a purpose for it. God did not let my skills and talents go to waste. I was and continue to be in preparation. My biggest cheerleader, my mom will encourage me to act or volun-tell me to act and tell me to remember there is blessing in my obedience. AHA! Blessing in obedience. That’s not to say that you serve to get something in return every time BUT God honors our obedience. We act on His Will and Plan, not in our own power.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.-Galatians 6:9

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;  fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!-Psalm 37:6-7

Waiting is hard. Believe me, this season has gone longer than I thought but I am learning that God has the Master Plan. My dear friend said to me, “HOW you wait is what is important.” Complaining and anxious thoughts do not help me wait. It hinders the lesson of the wait. Each day is a struggle but God makes a way out as long as I am willing to obey. So I serve in whatever capacity God reveals and I make the best of each moment in each day. Yes, I have to remain still and know God will work it out. Yes, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me. But I am never too far away for the Holy Spirit to get me back on track.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

Ultimately, the waiting will result in a prosperous future whether it be financial wealth, spiritual growth, character, and other various ways. But this I know: God upholds the outcome but also uphold me and you in waiting.

Blissfully,

Bianca

A New Church Home

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As a Christian, I have grown a lot these past few years in more ways than I thought. I am intentionally eliminating toxicity but also allowing myself to be open to new doors and opportunities.

Recently, something new happened in my life: I found a NEW CHURCH!

Spiritually, I was broken with all unarmed black people killings and racial injustice and a global pandemic changing life as we know it. I was inside with my thoughts constantly. My anxiety was driving me insane. I needed refuge and encouragement. I needed to feel that my Christian life mattered and my black identity mattered to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. My prior church served its purpose before but I needed to grow more and deeper. I just wanted more. I prayed for a new home where I could be fed, I could give my talents fully, and I could be accepted. I was wanting to change churches for a while but there was not a fit where I really felt I belonged. So I just let things be as they were in the mist of a pandemic.

But God…

It happened so unexpectedly. In the summer of last year, friends of mine invited me and my siblings to view a Juneteenth Sunday at their church online. Wow! How interesting…a pastor speaking on social justice!?! Crazy.

God found the right church for me. It is amazing how strangers with a love for Jesus can just…click just like that. Who knew a pandemic would draw me to a new church body!?! Only God knew what I needed.

A few Sundays of watching turned into joining a summer bible study turned into finding friends turned into friends following up with me during the week turned into more bible studies and a life group turned into partners/members of the church. Like a crazy love affair. But, God designed us to draw close to His Church. Church is not a building with activities but a community with the common DNA of Jesus and living authentically in unity in a lost and dying world.

To be honest, I needed hope. HOPE, I tell you. I was just in a stagnant place and God met me where I was. He brought me to higher ground with people I worship and fellowship with. As I said, my prior church served its purpose. I met amazing people who I love but it was time.

My new church came in God’s perfect timing. I found my community. I guess the pandemic did cause a little good…

Blissfully,

Bianca

Sharing My Testimony

This was a big step. It was the summer of 2020 after the protests and outcries for justice was everywhere. I wanted to do my part. I sat in my stuff and said to myself, “I can’t hide anymore. I have to be uncomfortable and make people uncomfortable.” But it’s in the most uncomfortable moments where we grow. It was the self-therapy I needed to not hide the repressive thoughts of unworthiness in who I was. It was a release in putting myself out there as fully me. I shared my testimony of things and emotions I felt in my racial identity as a first generation American of Haitian immigrants and Christian.

Remember this is my experience and my story to tell. I own every part of the experiences that have made me who I am today. I grew from that moment and continue to grow. I am a work in progress and learning that my voice matters. So take this with a grain of salt and listen to my words.

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Own Advocacy

So in the past year, human rights and civil rights violations came at its peak. People were stuck in their homes and things were shut down. Almost every day, an unarmed black person was killed unjustly. Hate crimes and discrimination was rampant. There was a need for justice and advocacy.

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In the mist of that time, my thought was “How do I advocate for justice in my own world?” I can’t hide from it. Though I can’t save the whole world, I can be effective in my community.

I’m not going to lie: I did not go to protests then and I was not donating to any organizations. I was an unemployed, post-graduate struggling mentally, physically, and emotionally.

For most of my life, I have struggled with racial identity. It carried with the statements of not being black enough, “acting white,” and selling out all because of the environments I interacted in. I wanted to help my community but I did not want to hurt my white friends. I always hid parts of myself to my white friends out of fear of losing them. So that was where I was the summer of 2020, at a crossroads.

But as I researched and listened to different sources, a revelation came: Not everyone’s advocacy for justice looks the same. You have find out your own personal way to advocate for other groups.

What a relief.

I did not have to do what everyone else is doing. I can be my own person and advocate in my own way. So what was that? Well, I started sharing my story and speaking out about my experiences with discrimination. I had a diverse following so why not give perspective. Why not be transparent of the experiences that shaped me.

For the most part, people listened and empathized with me. I choose who to give more knowledge to if someone personally reached out privately. I did not allow certain narratives to distort the work I wanted to do in educating others. There were some who did not want to understand and wanted to refute everything I said. I even had people tell me I was race-baiting or making everything about race. For that response, I blocked them.

In therapy, my therapist told me how my purpose is being a bridge. My experiences are unique but no less black nor less white. I was just Bianca. I have always interacted with different people in my life and that is nothing to be ashamed of. So why not use that skill to bring people together. To find common ground and open eyes, hearts, and minds.

If you are struggling in how to be an ally and advocate for others, find what works for you. You know yourself well to know what you can handle. Everyone does things different and that is just fine. Do what works for you.

Sources I look to for news and ways to advocate is the NAACP, AND Campaign, ACLU, and Human Rights Watch. I am looking to expand my horizons so tell what you use as sources. It is a start. But do the research for you will get a worldview to personally and effectively serve your community.

Lastly, You and I can do our best. A win for me is when a person tells me, “Thank you for sharing. I will consider that in my own life. What you said made me think in another way I never thought.” Change starts with the heart. My form of advocacy is to tell my experiences and listen to others to cultivate a heart change that creates stronger allies. Remember we are stronger together and every little act towards justice can make a bigger change.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Not Luck but Discerning Self-Care

God has been teaching so much in this current season of life. A big thing I have been working through is speaking kindness, grace, and truth to myself.

I am my own worst critic. I can speak kinder to a stranger than my own soul. When my plans don’t go as planned or I deal with setbacks, I just fall in despair and allow the Enemy to speak lies. My anxiety is heightened and I get into this headspace of hopelessness. I am blessed to have people in my life to encourage me, to lead me to Christ, and to pray for me. Though I am glad I have them, they should be the last people I go to.

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Sometimes I feel God is so silent, it’s almost like I am all alone (but that’s the Enemy). In all actuality, I’m not alone; I am just not still. That is a problem: It’s hard to be still when your mind is running 500 miles an hour.

I had a moment of anxiety last week and my family and friends said “Do not worry about the unknown. God has a plan.” I have struggled with when this current season will shift. I am in a season of waiting and it’s hard. It just weighed heavily last week.

And I was reminded of these verses:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:6-7

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

So I am working on being kinder to myself. Give myself credit on how far I have come while waiting for the next step. Easier said than done but I am trying to take charge of my mental health and being. Knowing God’s Word helps fight the thoughts that can run me ragged. Doing my quiet time and being present in the moment. Interacting with fellow believers to keep me accountable. And stop and breath.

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A mantra I say some times is “daily bread.” I am referring to the Lord’s Prayer passage, “give us this day our daily bread.” I repeat it because it reminds me to be present now. I can focus what God has put in front of me and that’s all. That is what I need: daily bread from the One who gives it freely.

This revelation is not based on luck but on self-care and personal discernment for better. It is my form of self-care. Self-care is not just the physical things one does. I love to shop, get my nails done, have brunch, paint, etc. etc. But self-care is also the emotional and mental ways you care for your mind.

Like all of you, I am a work in progress. I am flawed but loved by a perfect Savior. I don’t reach perfection in this life. I have to keep bearing fruit allowing God to prune and grow me. So this is my growth and my self-care journey.

That’s me.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Not Luck But My Work Ethic

New Life Alert: I found a job and have been working since December. YAY!!

A true blessing in the mist of the pandemic. The story is quite amazing and only God could have orchestrated the events.

Let’s go back 8 years. Fresh college graduate with dreams of being an attorney. Where to start..I did not know.

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My proud mom of a new graduate was telling her boss about my aspirations. Her boss said “I have a cousin who’s a lawyer. Let me call him.” Let’s call him Lawyer X. I got Lawyer X’s contact and emailed him. My mom’s boss said “He’ll be expecting you.” I emailed him, interviewed with him, and I became his intern.

It was a great experience. Being a lawyer is not like the television shows. It takes hard work and preparation to give adequate representation for a client. He was a quiet man but wise, really smart, and a Christian. I learned the best professional lessons of life from him.

Though it was only for the summer, we still kept in touch over the years. Always great encouragement and sage wisdom whenever we talked and emailed one another.

Let’s fast forward to November 2020 (I know..bad memories but bear with me). I was still looking for a job which was already hard as it was. I contacted Lawyer X and just asked, “If anywhere is hiring, please let me know.” He said he would be on the lookout. In mid-November, he emails me that there is a job opening: part-time and a lot of work but it will give me good experience.

I applied. I got an interview. I got the job. YAY!! (Mom gave me the biggest mama hug. She’d been praying really hard for me.)

I get there. I am getting acclimated to my new position. I talked how I was referred to this job by Lawyer X. My supervisor said, “Oh Judge X, we love him.”

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE!!! I did a “That’s So Raven” vision vortex space out (90’s-00s Disney Channel reference) and remembered a few years back Lawyer X said he was a Judge at one of the local courts, part-time.

***Leaving vision vortex. Back to reality***

I totally forgot and did not remember which court Lawyer X (now Judge X) was at. Could Lawyer/Judge B have told my supervisor about me!?! Maybe… I did not know. When Judge X came to court for his hearings, we would talk some and get to our work. He never mentioned if he had anything to do it. But, I knew Judge X would never tell me if he had a hand in me getting hired.

About a month ago, I was doing some work for my supervisor. She complimented how I have been a big help and she is so glad Judge X told her about me. AHA! He did have something to do with it. My supervisor said how she was asking Judge X if he knew anyone who needed a job who was organized and a hard worker. Well not to toot my own horn, but I did a darn good job as a summer intern. She was hoping that I applied…she even said she waited for my application.

WOW! An internship from 8 years ago got me the job I have now.

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I know this is a long story but here is the purpose. My parents have always said ” A strong work ethic will bring you far in life.” It does and it did.

Yes, God worked in His providence to get me my job but also, my work ethic was my calling card and my resume. Showing your best work and skills will work out in your favor. It may not be immediate…it may take years but don’t fail to work hard in whatever you do.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters^,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.- Colossians 3:23-24

Whatever it is you are doing at a job, volunteering, serving your community, or a summer internship, DO IT WELL.

No matter how big or small your job is, your best work can lead to a bigger blessing.

I received rejection letters from countless employers. I was almost used to the rejection but God’s plan was bigger. My past experience led me to my job. My humble internship was not in vain. Lawyer/Judge X took notice and remembered and God made him remember me.

So it’s not luck that I got my job, it was evidence of God’s mighty hand through my work ethic as a former intern that got me where I am. I am truly in awe of how amazing all of this came together. But, I guess God makes things happen that way…and He’s not done yet.

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Blissfully,

Bianca

What is Black Joy to Me?

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Though I talk about black struggles, I want to end the month on a positive note. I want to express my idea of black joy.

Black Joy is:

singing Lift Every Voice and Sing

seeing Black Love

laughing no matter what the situation

seeing black excellence in all facets of society

watching the First African American male being sworn in as President

watching the First African American female being sworn in as Vice President

reading ignorance and racism to FILTH

uniting as one at the voting polls

looking fresh and fly when we step on the scene

seeing Black Fathers love their children

smelling our food

dancing and showing our swag when our song comes on

honoring African Americans legends and heroes who came before us

acknowledging the diaspora of blackness in our world

wearing my hair in various ways

memorializing our resilience through history

living as me though it is hard

This is black joy to me.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Take A Step Back

I am learning more each day about taking a step back. It does not mean you are incompetent but are aware of your boundaries. As a reformed perfectionist and people-pleaser, I am getting better in taking an intentional step back. I cannot give what I do not have. I need to recharge, rest, and have a moment of silence/solitude. It’s a form of self-care that I am tapping into.

So to start 2020, I am taking a step back. I am taking a little sabbatical till March to rest from blogging and work on life. Yours truly needs self-care. I want to focus on other things in my life.

Don’t worry. I have wonderful ideas for 2020. I want to continue to grow but also need to take a step back.

Keep reading and hold on. I will be back again. Love you all Bliss Fam.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Hello 2020!

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The man said, “Let me go because the dawn is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I won’t let you go until you bless me.”-Genesis 32:26

I will not let you go until you bless me.

2020 is a new start and beginning to immeasurably more. I don’t really have new years’ resolutions but a theme for the new year.

Blessing is the theme. It is not “I want list” but believing that everything is a blessing. Whether good or a setback, it will birth a blessing down the road. Hard work and trials are building blocks and ways to grow. God’s “no” is not yet, there is something better. There is something better on the horizon. It’s something to look forward to

Don’t get me wrong…I do have goals to accomplish spiritually, career-wise, relationally, and mentally. How I get to those goals centers around my theme of blessing. I am blessed at how far God has brought me, I am blessed in the present, and looking forward to the blessings God has in store for me. But I know God knows my needs before I think of it. So that is why resolutions seem unrealistic to me. But that’s just me.

That is my outlook for 2020.

Blessings,

Bianca