Posted in A Breath of Fresh Air, Believe with Bianca, Life as Bianca

For My Gain and Not For My Expense: God Is Writing My Story

God holds it all together. Me, you, humanity, and everything under heaven. It’s hard to remember sometimes. This pandemic has shifted everything. Even in my life, I felt the pandemic messed up plans, hopes, and dreams. In my life, things have been delayed for whatever reason, even before the pandemic.

It’s hard sometimes. I feel like God has put me through the ringer. I had such plans for my life when I was a 17 year old high school graduate…boy, was I wrong…

But even in the disappointments and uncertainty, I held on to God. Now, I was not happy all the time. I still struggle today. It is hard to see friends and colleagues succeed while I was/am stuck. It is hard seeing the social media shimmer and shine while I am just trying to function and not have a meltdown. But I have to keep going. To stop living life is to lose. I was literally moving by faith hoping for God to change the circumstance in the valley. I have moments of mourning and anxiety when things go wrong. It just hurts. But like Job, I will not denounce God…I just try my best to live for Him.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord  in the land of the living.-Psalm 26:13

Here comes this song by Maverick City Music-You Hold It All Together. The lyrics are so real. God always comes at the right time. God is still writing my story. Yes, my chapters are different from everyone else but that does not mean God is not working.

I know that God has good in store for me. I do get anxious. However, I know that my life is in His hands. He holds it together. God’s plan is for my gain and His Glory, not to my detriment nor expense.

Bliss Fam, we all carry so much but God still has a plan. Don’t give up. God is holding this crazy thing called life together. He loves us even when life is hard.

My favorite lyric is: God of my present, God of my future, You write my story, You hold it all together

He was always there, He is still there, and He will always be there.

Hang in there, Bliss Fam. God is still writing mine and our story.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in A Word from Mama B!, Life as Bianca

The 30 Year Audit

I am experiencing a harvest that I did not expect.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Year 30 has been an interesting start to a new decade of living. Last year, I turned a new age at the height of the pandemic. I was in an identity-crisis like everyone else, just trying to navigate life and figure out, “What am I going to do?” I thought that it would be fruitless to be honest. I thought that I would be in waiting for a harvest. But you know what? I was yielding a harvest I did not realize. I was growing, changing, and evolving.

Mental health was a defining moment for Year 30. Going to therapy was a BIG STEP in my growth process. To divulge hurts, disappointments, and traumas that I knew or did not realize that I kept in. I LOVE MY THERAPIST. I do believe God hand-picked her for me: a black Christian therapist. She has been a great, guiding facilitator in my growth and development. I do feel a sense of ownership in my narrative.

Knowing my worth is a lesson in all facets of my life. I made very big decisions to walk away because I realized that I deserved more. I did not deserve to be ostracized, criticized, nor belittled for who I am. I can eliminate the situation or the person. I don’t need to feel bad at all for protecting my soul. My worth is defined by God in every facet of my life as a black, Haiti-American Christian. So I can hire and fire people and situations accordingly.

My story is worth telling. During the pandemic was the height of racial tension and reckoning. I had two choices: hide and destroy myself internally or be about change and open myself up. It was hard to be honest, sharing racial traumas in my life. I had people reach out because they honestly thought I was fine but I was just trying to survive. Yes, people gave me flack and tried to explain away my experiences but I stood in my truth. I had to let go and it felt good in the end because I had real dialogues with people about race and gave people perspective. My hope was to make people think.. and I believe I did that.

I am curating my quality tribe. I have had great people come in my life in Year 30. Quality, salt of the earth people. I am learning to ask for help and prayer. Not just be a friend to someone but allow my friends to be my friend (or at least rise to the occasion). I am quite stubborn with friendships; I give all of myself but I don’t allow people to do the same. But I am trying to be better. Not everyone who is my friend on social media is my friend. There are levels of “friendship” but then there is my tribe and village. That is special to me and I am curating that. They know who they are. I feel loved and supported by them. It’s pretty awesome.

My life has teachable moments for others. Alongside my story is worth telling, my story is worth helping others. I guess I am old enough to give wisdom. God has given me opportunities to invest in the future generations. Young adults and kids are listening and looking up to me for advice and guidance. I was once in their shoes so it is amazing how God can use “little old me” to show me how far He has brought me.

***BONUS***– Back pain is real in your 30s. Like I have to give myself a moment to prepare my body to wake up. My body is changing I guess.

That is my 30 Year Audit. It’s been a great start so we will see where it goes in Year 31.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in A Breath of Fresh Air, Believe with Bianca

A Leap of Faith

Photo by Anastasia Lashkevich on Pexels.com

It’s ok to be scared but leap. God’s got you. In this past week, I had to choose whether to leap in faith or let my toxic pride cloud the help I needed.

I knew what I wanted to do but it was just terrifying. I asked God for one thing and He gave me something different. He likes to do that.

I am a cautious person so I don’t like surprises nor uncertainty about what is next. I am a type A planner, control freak through and through. But, that’s not faith. It’s fear. Fear is quite the monster. Fear is a thief of life itself. You can either give into it or fight with faith. Toxic pride creates a control freak mentality over everything and I get so frustrated when things are different than my plans. My anxiety goes through the roof and the past mistakes creep up. I am on edge. Fear cripples and eats me alive.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.-Hebrews 11:1

Faith in action is hard. It’s not a noun but a verb. It’s a daily exercise and practice. Faith is going into the unknown but it is also knowing that God is ever-present leading and guiding you. He knows you (and I) are scared but He’s a Comforter and Sustainer. He will not let you fall no matter how many times you (and I) think otherwise. Breathe. Inhale and Exhale. It’s scary but God’s got you. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

So I just wanted to share that. It’s ok to be scared. We are human. Every day is a battle. But just know God is with you even in the unknown places and decisions we need to make. Leap in faith. When God puts faith inside of you, all things are possible. With that comes surrender to self and pride. Fear does not allow you leap, faith does. Trusting God takes faith not fear only. Living takes faith not fear.

So leap in faith.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in A Breath of Fresh Air, Believe with Bianca, Life as Bianca

Serve In the Waiting

Photo by David Bartus on Pexels.com

Something God has taught me is there is purpose in the waiting. When God calls you to wait, it is not like a waiting room at a doctor’s office where you fiddle your thumbs till your name is called. No, God is preparing you for the next moment or season of life.

I say this because I am in a long season of waiting. Initially, I thought waiting was pointless like a waiting room. I just existed and tried to live. But life is more than pleasing myself. Through time and some growth, I realized the true meaning of “the wait.”

One thing I know about God is that He does not work idly, thinking as He goes. He creates moments of preparation for the next thing. God created the universe in seven days. Could He have just snapped His finger and make everything come into existence? Yes. But He chose to take His time to create and fashion everything.

God would bring different people to my path and for whatever reason had a need. Whether it was a church friend, family, friends, or stranger, their presence served a purpose. Whether it was meeting a simple need or using my skills to serve another, God had a purpose for it. God did not let my skills and talents go to waste. I was and continue to be in preparation. My biggest cheerleader, my mom will encourage me to act or volun-tell me to act and tell me to remember there is blessing in my obedience. AHA! Blessing in obedience. That’s not to say that you serve to get something in return every time BUT God honors our obedience. We act on His Will and Plan, not in our own power.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.-Galatians 6:9

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;  fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!-Psalm 37:6-7

Waiting is hard. Believe me, this season has gone longer than I thought but I am learning that God has the Master Plan. My dear friend said to me, “HOW you wait is what is important.” Complaining and anxious thoughts do not help me wait. It hinders the lesson of the wait. Each day is a struggle but God makes a way out as long as I am willing to obey. So I serve in whatever capacity God reveals and I make the best of each moment in each day. Yes, I have to remain still and know God will work it out. Yes, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me. But I am never too far away for the Holy Spirit to get me back on track.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

Ultimately, the waiting will result in a prosperous future whether it be financial wealth, spiritual growth, character, and other various ways. But this I know: God upholds the outcome but also uphold me and you in waiting.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in Life as Bianca

A New Church Home

Photo by Ghost Patriot on Pexels.com

As a Christian, I have grown a lot these past few years in more ways than I thought. I am intentionally eliminating toxicity but also allowing myself to be open to new doors and opportunities.

Recently, something new happened in my life: I found a NEW CHURCH!

Spiritually, I was broken with all unarmed black people killings and racial injustice and a global pandemic changing life as we know it. I was inside with my thoughts constantly. My anxiety was driving me insane. I needed refuge and encouragement. I needed to feel that my Christian life mattered and my black identity mattered to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. My prior church served its purpose before but I needed to grow more and deeper. I just wanted more. I prayed for a new home where I could be fed, I could give my talents fully, and I could be accepted. I was wanting to change churches for a while but there was not a fit where I really felt I belonged. So I just let things be as they were in the mist of a pandemic.

But God…

It happened so unexpectedly. In the summer of last year, friends of mine invited me and my siblings to view a Juneteenth Sunday at their church online. Wow! How interesting…a pastor speaking on social justice!?! Crazy.

God found the right church for me. It is amazing how strangers with a love for Jesus can just…click just like that. Who knew a pandemic would draw me to a new church body!?! Only God knew what I needed.

A few Sundays of watching turned into joining a summer bible study turned into finding friends turned into friends following up with me during the week turned into more bible studies and a life group turned into partners/members of the church. Like a crazy love affair. But, God designed us to draw close to His Church. Church is not a building with activities but a community with the common DNA of Jesus and living authentically in unity in a lost and dying world.

To be honest, I needed hope. HOPE, I tell you. I was just in a stagnant place and God met me where I was. He brought me to higher ground with people I worship and fellowship with. As I said, my prior church served its purpose. I met amazing people who I love but it was time.

My new church came in God’s perfect timing. I found my community. I guess the pandemic did cause a little good…

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in Life as Bianca, My Lenses on Life

Sharing My Testimony

This was a big step. It was the summer of 2020 after the protests and outcries for justice was everywhere. I wanted to do my part. I sat in my stuff and said to myself, “I can’t hide anymore. I have to be uncomfortable and make people uncomfortable.” But it’s in the most uncomfortable moments where we grow. It was the self-therapy I needed to not hide the repressive thoughts of unworthiness in who I was. It was a release in putting myself out there as fully me. I shared my testimony of things and emotions I felt in my racial identity as a first generation American of Haitian immigrants and Christian.

Remember this is my experience and my story to tell. I own every part of the experiences that have made me who I am today. I grew from that moment and continue to grow. I am a work in progress and learning that my voice matters. So take this with a grain of salt and listen to my words.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in A Breath of Fresh Air, Believe with Bianca

Believe With Bianca: Preach Truth & Be Still

We can all be our worst critic…I am preaching to the choir on this. A deep realization of growth is learning to preach truth to myself and be still. For me, it is staying in God’s Word, the real truth that speaks life.

But, I’m not gonna lie…sometimes I read Scripture and there is no spark or burning bush revelation. Yes, the Bible is God-breathed and active (2 Timothy 3:16). But God’s instruction may cause different responses. Yes, I get conviction and truth but lately, I have been still in His truth and put a verse(s) in my Christian tool box.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;-Psalm 46:10a

I have been learning to take in scripture and really marinate on a specific truth in my life. I just need to be still. My mind just races constantly about the future. Will life fall into place with my career, with friendships, with a romantic relationship, marriage, children, etc? I almost give myself headaches and anxiety just thinking about an unknown future.

But I am learning to be still. Easier said than done. I remind myself not to worry for what will it add to my life?(Matthew 6:27). Absolutely nothing. The Enemy is trying me but I feel greater is coming…that’s why he is working so hard.

A passage that causes me to be still and preach to myself is: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.-Philippians 1:6

I am choosing to be still and preach currently: God completes what He starts. So God is not done with me and the things that worry me will be completed in Jesus’ name and timing.

Photo by Patricia McCarty on Pexels.com

What do you need to be still and preach truth to yourself about?

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in A Breath of Fresh Air, My Lenses on Life

A Humble Entry With A Promised Triumph

It’s interesting seeing grandiose celebrations like America’s Inauguration Day, Bastille Day Celebrations in France, and the Queen’s Jubilee in the UK. The fancy clothing, the pretty horses, the waving of flags, the performances, and the fanfare of it all for one day or moment.

But when it was Jesus, it was nothing of the sort. Compared to the above events, it would actually be underwhelming to today’s standards. There would be no big ratings or live streaming in all news stations and social media. It would not be a trending topic on Twitter. It would be too boring exactly.

But that never mattered to Jesus. Could Jesus have done the grand celebration? Yes. But, He did not. He humbled Himself which attests to His nature and character.

He was the KING but he would not act as an earthly king. An earthly king thought of himself but King Jesus thought about all people. Actually, I believe Jesus wanted to distinguish Himself. Set His Kingdom apart from the empires of the day. His Kingdom would be eternal.

His humanity went beyond a fleeting, grand celebration and entry. For what He was about do would show a grander, more promising eternity for humanity itself.

Happy Palm Sunday!

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in Life as Bianca

Not Luck but Discerning Self-Care

God has been teaching so much in this current season of life. A big thing I have been working through is speaking kindness, grace, and truth to myself.

I am my own worst critic. I can speak kinder to a stranger than my own soul. When my plans don’t go as planned or I deal with setbacks, I just fall in despair and allow the Enemy to speak lies. My anxiety is heightened and I get into this headspace of hopelessness. I am blessed to have people in my life to encourage me, to lead me to Christ, and to pray for me. Though I am glad I have them, they should be the last people I go to.

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Sometimes I feel God is so silent, it’s almost like I am all alone (but that’s the Enemy). In all actuality, I’m not alone; I am just not still. That is a problem: It’s hard to be still when your mind is running 500 miles an hour.

I had a moment of anxiety last week and my family and friends said “Do not worry about the unknown. God has a plan.” I have struggled with when this current season will shift. I am in a season of waiting and it’s hard. It just weighed heavily last week.

And I was reminded of these verses:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:6-7

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

So I am working on being kinder to myself. Give myself credit on how far I have come while waiting for the next step. Easier said than done but I am trying to take charge of my mental health and being. Knowing God’s Word helps fight the thoughts that can run me ragged. Doing my quiet time and being present in the moment. Interacting with fellow believers to keep me accountable. And stop and breath.

Photo by Wendy van Zyl on Pexels.com

A mantra I say some times is “daily bread.” I am referring to the Lord’s Prayer passage, “give us this day our daily bread.” I repeat it because it reminds me to be present now. I can focus what God has put in front of me and that’s all. That is what I need: daily bread from the One who gives it freely.

This revelation is not based on luck but on self-care and personal discernment for better. It is my form of self-care. Self-care is not just the physical things one does. I love to shop, get my nails done, have brunch, paint, etc. etc. But self-care is also the emotional and mental ways you care for your mind.

Like all of you, I am a work in progress. I am flawed but loved by a perfect Savior. I don’t reach perfection in this life. I have to keep bearing fruit allowing God to prune and grow me. So this is my growth and my self-care journey.

That’s me.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Posted in A Breath of Fresh Air

Believe With Bianca.

The Lord is faithful to His promises, not our expectations.

As humans, we have expectations. It’s normal. But the problem is where our expectations are entitlements and demands that God must follow. I say this because as a high school graduate, I had all these expectations that I would be a career woman, wife, and mother by 30 (crazy? I know). It was less about God and more of me boosting my ego. Well, God just LOLs at me because He’s got the plan.

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.-John 10:10b

This can be construed as God is my genie and will give me all I expect and all I want. NO!!! Step away from that idea.

God’s faithfulness is not what we want. God sees beyond our expectations and it is ALWAYS better. God ALWAYS provides according to His Will. He does not need our permission to carry out His plans. We have to wait on the Lord (Psalm 27:14).

Easier said than done but hear me out…

If the Creator of the Universe can create everything out of nothing, what makes you think that He will not do the impossible for you?

Preaching to the Choir? Yes. I am learning that in my own life. My expectations are small in contrast to God’s great plans.

The Beauty of God’s Plan: Every time, God has given more than I thought, come through in too many ways I never thought, protected me from destructive, alternative situations, and opened my eyes to something new.

So consider that. Not our expectation but His great promise for our lives. God has never steered us wrong and never will. Keep going and God will show you the Way.

Blissfully,

Bianca