Living Black History

As February ends, Black History remains because I am black 365 days a year.

I want to inspire my melanated brothers, sisters, and persons to be. Just be fully in your blackness in the spaces you inhabit. We may be different shades and come from different backgrounds but to be black is revolutionary.

Society wants to eliminate our stories, our histories, and our books. Just be.

When microaggressions feel like fire-shooting arrows, just be.

When it gets hard, just be.

When the sun is shining on you, just be.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to conform and box myself in. I am a reformed token black friend. I’ve always had the fire-shooting arrows of not being black enough while living in world where racism and white supremacy throw their arrows. I was fighting internal wars often.

Since the pandemic and turning 30, I have allowed myself the space to be. When I say just be, I say to tap into my emotions, my soul, and my body. Just being is validating who you are. Tap into yourself. Honor yourself. I honor when I am happy and when I am struggling. As the kids say, I’m living a soft life. I’m not the strong black woman anymore. I take myself off that pedestal. I’m choosing to be.

Black people, you are limitless. Just be. Remember that every day of 2023 and onward.

Blissfully,

Bianca

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The Aftermath of Letting Go

I’m not who I used to be. You know the feeling when you feel like you’re not growing but a situation causes you to respond differently than before. It’s like “Oh, I guess I was growing.”

I keep telling you life in my 30s is something to behold.

20s Bianca was very people-pleasing, sensitive, gave too much power to other people’s opinions, and was very much critical of herself. I’m still working on being critical of myself but the other stuff, there is growth. I have noticed that I have the fight in me. I may be small but don’t get it twisted…I come back. I may get frustrated but never to the point of tears. I have more grit and strength than before.

I wish I knew the moment where it clicked. But God works in mysterious ways. He works in silence like the “n” in lasagna. With every setback, hurt, and lesson, it’s molding me.

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Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.-Isaiah 64:8

Molding is active. The experiences are loud but the molding is silent. You may not see the growth just yet. But just know God is working. You will see the fruit and growth eventually.

Keep fighting. God will see you fight and honor it. He molds and will mold you if you allow Him to. I mean to take yourself out of the equation and rely on God. Not taking matters into your own hands but allow God full access in every facet of your life.

You don’t grow until you surrender to fact that you cannot do life alone. It is a daily thing that I have to do but I have seen good come out of it. Like I said, I am not the person I used be.

Blissfully,

Bianca

The Art of Letting Go

It’s hard to let go things that you can’t control. I am learning there are things and experiences that can’t be helped to be honest. I am only in control my reaction. Sometimes situations call for letting it go.

Yes friend, let it go. **Insert Elsa singing “Let It Go”**

Energy is wasted when you try to solve something that is out of your hands. It is not giving up. I used to think I had to care about everything and everyone’s opinion of me. NO! LET IT GO. I pack on the anxieties and emotions of everyone/thing and forget myself.

I have had to learn it is not necessarily me per se. Sometimes it is another person’s insecurities, worries, and hurts put on me. Sometimes the situation is beyond my control and I just happen to be there. I am responsible for me and my sanity. Call it being selfish…but I can only take care of me in a situation.

You may ask: how do you let it go, Bianca? I take inventory of the situation. Did I add to this issue? What is my role in this person’s turmoil or situation? If I add to it, can I make the situation better? If so, how? ( Pretty much: I try to think and/or act to make the situation better, if possible.)

I find that most of the times, even with my best intentions and best efforts, situations don’t go as expected. I just have to remind myself that I did my best. Sometimes my best is not enough but that does not make me a terrible person. I have to let it go; it’s not my burden to carry. I am constantly learning and evolving in my “let it go” moments. I’m not perfect but I am intentionally learning to prioritize myself.

So yes, the art of letting go is REAL. Don’t let everything in life overwhelm you. It’s not worth your sanity. Take inventory of the situation and figure out where you fit in. If you have no part, don’t insert yourself. Let it go.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Keep Climbing

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It seems so hard to climb.

To stop would be to quit.

To keep moving shows my fight.

Fighting with each step and each reach.

Though I slip, I’ll hold on.

Though I fail, I press on.

The journey seems so long.

But I have made it so far.

I can’t go back.

I just can’t.

Blissfully,

Bianca

For My Gain and Not At My Expense: Ask

I’d like to think I am superwoman. I can do anything and everything. I don’t want to seem weak or that I am incapable. I would rather take things on myself at the expense of depletion of mind, body, and spirit. At my expense, I thought I could hold together. But at my expense, I experience heartache, anxiety, depression, anguish, and pretty much the Devil’s lies.

In reality, I would be crumbling. My self sufficiency was my downfall. Pride was my downfall. I believe as a black woman, we, as a collective, have this narrative of being strong. But the thing is you can only be strong for so long. I would fake being ok. I would fake strength out of fear of being considered weak. That was the cycle.

Something I have uncovered in therapy is allowing myself the freedom of not being tired and worn out. Speak up. Why hold in what you can let go? The worst that can be said is “No, I can’t help you.” No one will die. The world will not end. And I will be no less Bianca than when I asked for help. I believe when I think of asking like that…it changes the narrative. It opens a level of vulnerability because I am allowing myself relief and letting people in.

I usually don’t let people into the inner parts of my mind and soul. It’s just easier. But at what cost? I am easily the friend to come to with your problems. A person can pour out their soul to me. But why do I not allow myself that openness and kindness to pour my heart to my own friends. That is what I am learning…asking for the help and the listening I give to others. It is preventable so I need to speak up.

Yes, guard your heart because everyone is not your friend. But lately, God has sent genuine people my way. For whatever reason, they check on me. They ask me what do I need. WHAT!?! Like really!?! Yes, little old Bianca can be cared for. So I challenged myself to speak up the past few months. I have been speaking up by asking for prayer, guidance, and a friend who will listen. And these friends have delivered more than what I could have asked for. It has done my heart well and mental health better.

It’s still hard to break the cycle cause I want to still be strong. But I know I am not strong without God’s help and guidance in the resources and people He puts in my path. However, I need to ask and be open and vulnerable to receive what I need.

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“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”-Matthew 7:7

Ask…what’s the hurt in asking what you need?

Blissfully,

Bianca

For My Gain and Not For My Expense: God Is Writing My Story

God holds it all together. Me, you, humanity, and everything under heaven. It’s hard to remember sometimes. This pandemic has shifted everything. Even in my life, I felt the pandemic messed up plans, hopes, and dreams. In my life, things have been delayed for whatever reason, even before the pandemic.

It’s hard sometimes. I feel like God has put me through the ringer. I had such plans for my life when I was a 17 year old high school graduate…boy, was I wrong…

But even in the disappointments and uncertainty, I held on to God. Now, I was not happy all the time. I still struggle today. It is hard to see friends and colleagues succeed while I was/am stuck. It is hard seeing the social media shimmer and shine while I am just trying to function and not have a meltdown. But I have to keep going. To stop living life is to lose. I was literally moving by faith hoping for God to change the circumstance in the valley. I have moments of mourning and anxiety when things go wrong. It just hurts. But like Job, I will not denounce God…I just try my best to live for Him.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord  in the land of the living.-Psalm 26:13

Here comes this song by Maverick City Music-You Hold It All Together. The lyrics are so real. God always comes at the right time. God is still writing my story. Yes, my chapters are different from everyone else but that does not mean God is not working.

I know that God has good in store for me. I do get anxious. However, I know that my life is in His hands. He holds it together. God’s plan is for my gain and His Glory, not to my detriment nor expense.

Bliss Fam, we all carry so much but God still has a plan. Don’t give up. God is holding this crazy thing called life together. He loves us even when life is hard.

My favorite lyric is: God of my present, God of my future, You write my story, You hold it all together

He was always there, He is still there, and He will always be there.

Hang in there, Bliss Fam. God is still writing mine and our story.

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Leap of Faith

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It’s ok to be scared but leap. God’s got you. In this past week, I had to choose whether to leap in faith or let my toxic pride cloud the help I needed.

I knew what I wanted to do but it was just terrifying. I asked God for one thing and He gave me something different. He likes to do that.

I am a cautious person so I don’t like surprises nor uncertainty about what is next. I am a type A planner, control freak through and through. But, that’s not faith. It’s fear. Fear is quite the monster. Fear is a thief of life itself. You can either give into it or fight with faith. Toxic pride creates a control freak mentality over everything and I get so frustrated when things are different than my plans. My anxiety goes through the roof and the past mistakes creep up. I am on edge. Fear cripples and eats me alive.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.-Hebrews 11:1

Faith in action is hard. It’s not a noun but a verb. It’s a daily exercise and practice. Faith is going into the unknown but it is also knowing that God is ever-present leading and guiding you. He knows you (and I) are scared but He’s a Comforter and Sustainer. He will not let you fall no matter how many times you (and I) think otherwise. Breathe. Inhale and Exhale. It’s scary but God’s got you. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

So I just wanted to share that. It’s ok to be scared. We are human. Every day is a battle. But just know God is with you even in the unknown places and decisions we need to make. Leap in faith. When God puts faith inside of you, all things are possible. With that comes surrender to self and pride. Fear does not allow you leap, faith does. Trusting God takes faith not fear only. Living takes faith not fear.

So leap in faith.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Believe With Bianca: Preach Truth & Be Still

We can all be our worst critic…I am preaching to the choir on this. A deep realization of growth is learning to preach truth to myself and be still. For me, it is staying in God’s Word, the real truth that speaks life.

But, I’m not gonna lie…sometimes I read Scripture and there is no spark or burning bush revelation. Yes, the Bible is God-breathed and active (2 Timothy 3:16). But God’s instruction may cause different responses. Yes, I get conviction and truth but lately, I have been still in His truth and put a verse(s) in my Christian tool box.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;-Psalm 46:10a

I have been learning to take in scripture and really marinate on a specific truth in my life. I just need to be still. My mind just races constantly about the future. Will life fall into place with my career, with friendships, with a romantic relationship, marriage, children, etc? I almost give myself headaches and anxiety just thinking about an unknown future.

But I am learning to be still. Easier said than done. I remind myself not to worry for what will it add to my life?(Matthew 6:27). Absolutely nothing. The Enemy is trying me but I feel greater is coming…that’s why he is working so hard.

A passage that causes me to be still and preach to myself is: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.-Philippians 1:6

I am choosing to be still and preach currently: God completes what He starts. So God is not done with me and the things that worry me will be completed in Jesus’ name and timing.

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What do you need to be still and preach truth to yourself about?

Blissfully,

Bianca

Take A Step Back

I am learning more each day about taking a step back. It does not mean you are incompetent but are aware of your boundaries. As a reformed perfectionist and people-pleaser, I am getting better in taking an intentional step back. I cannot give what I do not have. I need to recharge, rest, and have a moment of silence/solitude. It’s a form of self-care that I am tapping into.

So to start 2020, I am taking a step back. I am taking a little sabbatical till March to rest from blogging and work on life. Yours truly needs self-care. I want to focus on other things in my life.

Don’t worry. I have wonderful ideas for 2020. I want to continue to grow but also need to take a step back.

Keep reading and hold on. I will be back again. Love you all Bliss Fam.

Blissfully,

Bianca

I Thank My God For Rejection

WAIT WHAT, BIANCA!?!

I know what you are thinking why would I enjoy rejection. Well I am glad you asked, Bliss Fam.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Don’t get me wrong. Rejections hurts. But that is what grace is for. Though I do not see grace physically, I do feel it through the Holy Spirit working from the inside out.

Whether it is people, opportunities, or other things, grace covers those weaknesses and shortcomings. And grace creates strength, protection, and resilience in the situation.

Perfect example, I had someone in my life lie and hide from me for months. In other words, I was ghosted. There was no explanation, just silence for several months. Then out of the blue, I get a text saying that he wants to talk. Well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Of course, my sister was my emotional support when he called. He dropped major bombshells that shocked me but not to my core. (On the other hand, my sister was pissed and annoyed for me). When it was my turn to talk, I was candid and honest, handling the situation with grace and poise. I called him a coward and expressed how his lies hurt me but did not damage me. No really, I had moved on without him. Yes, I was rejected but it did not hurt because God’s grace covered the temporary rejection I experienced from someone I cared about.

Everyone has experienced that hurt of rejection in one way or another. But it is how you react that makes the difference with grace.

Now with that situation with Bianca ten years ago, it would have been different in the pitiful way. You see, it took me a long time to figure out how to handle rejection. I was quite the people pleaser who took criticism and rejection TO THE CORE. My head would spin and go crazy over someone’s else rejection of me because I wanted to be loved by everyone…like Oprah popularity love. God knew that desire but He really broke me and humbled me by revealing what and how the rejection would work out in my favor for His purpose.

Rejection hurts but it also humbles you. It humbles and grows you in ways you never knew. You may not see it right then and there but God will reveal it. There is a purpose for rejection.

 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.-Romans 8:18

Granted, I am still growing and learning grace in the mist of rejection. But it is manageable through Christ because His power covers it all.

For that, I thank my God for rejection.

Blissfully,

Bianca