It’s ok to be scared but leap. God’s got you. In this past week, I had to choose whether to leap in faith or let my toxic pride cloud the help I needed.
I knew what I wanted to do but it was just terrifying. I asked God for one thing and He gave me something different. He likes to do that.
I am a cautious person so I don’t like surprises nor uncertainty about what is next. I am a type A planner, control freak through and through. But, that’s not faith. It’s fear. Fear is quite the monster. Fear is a thief of life itself. You can either give into it or fight with faith. Toxic pride creates a control freak mentality over everything and I get so frustrated when things are different than my plans. My anxiety goes through the roof and the past mistakes creep up. I am on edge. Fear cripples and eats me alive.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.-Hebrews 11:1
Faith in action is hard. It’s not a noun but a verb. It’s a daily exercise and practice. Faith is going into the unknown but it is also knowing that God is ever-present leading and guiding you. He knows you (and I) are scared but He’s a Comforter and Sustainer. He will not let you fall no matter how many times you (and I) think otherwise. Breathe. Inhale and Exhale. It’s scary but God’s got you. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).
So I just wanted to share that. It’s ok to be scared. We are human. Every day is a battle. But just know God is with you even in the unknown places and decisions we need to make. Leap in faith. When God puts faith inside of you, all things are possible. With that comes surrender to self and pride. Fear does not allow you leap, faith does. Trusting God takes faith not fear only. Living takes faith not fear.
We can all be our worst critic…I am preaching to the choir on this. A deep realization of growth is learning to preach truth to myself and be still. For me, it is staying in God’s Word, the real truth that speaks life.
But, I’m not gonna lie…sometimes I read Scripture and there is no spark or burning bush revelation. Yes, the Bible is God-breathed and active (2 Timothy 3:16). But God’s instruction may cause different responses. Yes, I get conviction and truth but lately, I have been still in His truth and put a verse(s) in my Christian tool box.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;-Psalm 46:10a
I have been learning to take in scripture and really marinate on a specific truth in my life. I just need to be still. My mind just races constantly about the future. Will life fall into place with my career, with friendships, with a romantic relationship, marriage, children, etc? I almost give myself headaches and anxiety just thinking about an unknown future.
But I am learning to be still. Easier said than done. I remind myself not to worry for what will it add to my life?(Matthew 6:27). Absolutely nothing. The Enemy is trying me but I feel greater is coming…that’s why he is working so hard.
A passage that causes me to be still and preach to myself is: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.-Philippians 1:6
I am choosing to be still and preach currently: God completes what He starts. So God is not done with me and the things that worry me will be completed in Jesus’ name and timing.
What do you need to be still and preach truth to yourself about?
I am learning more each day about taking a step back. It does not mean you are incompetent but are aware of your boundaries. As a reformed perfectionist and people-pleaser, I am getting better in taking an intentional step back. I cannot give what I do not have. I need to recharge, rest, and have a moment of silence/solitude. It’s a form of self-care that I am tapping into.
So to start 2020, I am taking a step back. I am taking a little sabbatical till March to rest from blogging and work on life. Yours truly needs self-care. I want to focus on other things in my life.
Don’t worry. I have wonderful ideas for 2020. I want to continue to grow but also need to take a step back.
Keep reading and hold on. I will be back again. Love you all Bliss Fam.
I know what you are thinking why would I enjoy rejection. Well I am glad you asked, Bliss Fam.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.- 2 Corinthians 12:9
Don’t get me wrong. Rejections hurts. But that is what grace is for. Though I do not see grace physically, I do feel it through the Holy Spirit working from the inside out.
Whether it is people, opportunities, or other things, grace covers those weaknesses and shortcomings. And grace creates strength, protection, and resilience in the situation.
Perfect example, I had someone in my life lie and hide from me for months. In other words, I was ghosted. There was no explanation, just silence for several months. Then out of the blue, I get a text saying that he wants to talk. Well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Of course, my sister was my emotional support when he called. He dropped major bombshells that shocked me but not to my core. (On the other hand, my sister was pissed and annoyed for me). When it was my turn to talk, I was candid and honest, handling the situation with grace and poise. I called him a coward and expressed how his lies hurt me but did not damage me. No really, I had moved on without him. Yes, I was rejected but it did not hurt because God’s grace covered the temporary rejection I experienced from someone I cared about.
Everyone has experienced that hurt of rejection in one way or another. But it is how you react that makes the difference with grace.
Now with that situation with Bianca ten years ago, it would have been different in the pitiful way. You see, it took me a long time to figure out how to handle rejection. I was quite the people pleaser who took criticism and rejection TO THE CORE. My head would spin and go crazy over someone’s else rejection of me because I wanted to be loved by everyone…like Oprah popularity love. God knew that desire but He really broke me and humbled me by revealing what and how the rejection would work out in my favor for His purpose.
Rejection hurts but it also humbles you. It humbles and grows you in ways you never knew. You may not see it right then and there but God will reveal it. There is a purpose for rejection.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.-Romans 8:18
Granted, I am still growing and learning grace in the mist of rejection. But it is manageable through Christ because His power covers it all.
I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.-Psalm 9:1
It is November, the season of thankfulness and pondering on the blessings of life. Now, every day should be a day to give thanks, but I know things are emphasized more during this season.
There is enough going on in the world to gripe and complain about. International crises, famine, poverty, injustice, political regimes, racism, and everything in between. It is enough to make your head spin and ask God, “Where are you in all this?”
But the truth is: He is in the midst and still working. Though things may be bad, there are good things God is doing to and through us.
Whether it is a new job, new baby, financial provision, new relationship, or something just as simple as waking up with breath in your body, God is doing good…no…GREAT THINGS in each of us.
It is important to speak on the blessings that God grants us. It does something to you and me. And it is biblical. All throughout Scripture, we see followers of the faith speak on God’s greatness because He truly sustains humanity and our world. And so will I.
I will speak on the goodness of Jesus Christ because He truly blesses me, sustains me, and keeps me going.
Join me on this journey of thankfulness this month for “I Thank My God For Series.”
I am less than 48 hours away from my birthday. GAH!! I am feeling all kinds of excitement, sadness, anxiousness, nostalgia, and pride.
I wanted to share blissful, wise lessons I learned and continue to learn about myself. To paraphrase a great quote, it’s just fine being a masterpiece and a work of progress. And that is what I am. I am on this journey. I’m not perfect this side of heaven but I will be one day.
So let’s get started…
Serving is bigger than my personal comfort zone.
It is one of those lessons where self is not in serving. If I truly am serving for Christ, that means I have to be second. I have had to learn serving depends on your heart. I try to pray and check my heart because ultimately God called me to a particular assignment. Sometimes I do not want to serve because I don’t feel like it or it’s not the way I would do things, . But ultimately I know God would not put something in my path if He did not think I couldn’t do it. God has definitely been using my mom for “serving assignments.” It feels like my mom has an assignment cause she was talking to someone and they need help. My mom does tell the person, “I will ask my daughter.” But we all know this mommy’s girl will do it. But I truly believe God is teaching me what serving truly is and He continues to show me.
Unconventional moments are God’s preparation for something greater.
Still don’t have three letters behind my name YET. But 28 did still show me that I have knowledge to share and benefit others. I still have a Juris Doctor and my interest is in Immigration Law. I have experience to educate and help as a person with an advanced degree. With any individual I encounter with an immigration question, I try to educate them and myself by researching (but not practicing law…nothing illegal just answering questions). I am still keeping my skills up. I know I will be a licensed attorney but I also know that now is preparation for what is to come. No season is wasted even Year 28.
You have to work towards contentment if you are discontent.
Though my heart was broken that God closed a door after Bar Try #2, I really prayed and sought out why I am so discontent that where I want to be is not where God wants me to be. And God revealed that I am just going through the motions and not truly blooming where He wanted me to. So I started blogging more, started running (going on 2 months now), made a list of goals to enjoy myself this summer, and just started putting myself out there. You can’t complain and expect change. You have to go outside of yourself and really act.Like do something. If you’re bored, do something. If you’re not happy, make a change. It is a daily decision to act in contentment. Some days I did/still do not want to try because I thought “What’s the point!?!” But it was the Enemy and myself lying for me to go back to complaining and sulking in defeat. But like I said, it is a daily decision to try, to act no matter how small it is.
Sometimes you have to be still.
With conflict, with disappointment, with trouble, with difficulty, even with happiness. I have to take a step back, take a deep breath, and be still. My mom always tells me in any strife God will either change the situation or remove the situation. I have had to realize that sometimes it is not time to speak but let the situation play out. God’s got it.
Do not be ashamed of your journey.
Yup…learning that a lot. Yes, life is very different than what I expected. I wanted to be a licensed attorney living my best life in Florida. But God changed that plan and said not yet. But also He says, “I am not done with you yet. I have something for you. Wait on me.” I have had to pick my head up and say I am still worthy and I will get there. But sometimes people’s questions on my life makes me want to crawl in a hole because I belong there. It’s like I am joke and a failure to world because I am not there yet. Thankful for my family and true friends who combat my comments at how I am a failure with words of truth and encouragement. It is a struggle but I am growing and owning my story. God will and is using this narrative for someone or something down the line.
So, thanks 28 for the lessons. I will keep at it at 29 and beyond.
Remember to look back how far you have come. Were you the same person a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago? Whether you grew in inches, feet, ounces, or yards, you still grew. Whether it was a new career, going back to school, overcoming addictions, finding love, taking ownership of your life, it’s all growth. It can be as simple as the daily decision to wake up earlier, to have your morning quiet time with God, eating veggies over that piece of pizza, making time to spend quality time with your family and friends, etc.
In my own life, though I am not in the dream job I want, God has humbled me by teaching me patience.
Don’t believe me? I asked my mom how I grew or if I grew in the pass two years. She stated: “You are growing. You are getting more patience. You accept certain situations and keep moving. You are getting a little bit better at getting criticism.”
The humbling moments are always hard at the moment. For me, I am in the humbling stage of growing in my legal career. Though, I am not where I want to be, God has grown me. I started to see that I was not the same after a year or two. Life is a daily, evolving metamorphosis. It takes a daily decision to grow. It’s daily steps of progress. You may not see all you do until later.
When a gardener plants seeds, it does not turn into a flower immediately. You take care of the plants. You keep at the commitment to make sure your plants grow by life-nourishing soil, providing water, making sure the temperature is right, kicking out pests and weeds, and giving light. You may get a little a day but it will pay off.
Then in time the plant yields more and you see you were growing all along.
The older I get, the more wiser I am in valuing myself. As I have said before, I really struggled with beauty and confidence to find a man. I really thought that there was fulfillment in a relationship. But there was an issue in desiring a man: I was not confident in myself. I just was trying to figure myself out in my early 20’s.
I saw the trend of dating and relationships that I wanted in. I wanted a relationship because everyone else had a relationship. WRONG!
As I realized that it was not God’s plan, I had deal with myself. I had know for myself: what are my values and standards? Yes, I grew up with biblical values but did I really know what my values were or was I just piggy-backing off my strict parents.
During my freshman year of college, I went on a quest to read the bible in its entirety to know what I believe for me. In addition, I read a book called, Lady In Waiting: Becoming God’s Best While Waiting For Mr. Right (I recommend it!). This quest opened the door and laid a foundation to really knowing who I am and whose I am.
Yes, I had real standards towards love and relationships and being an authentic Christ follower. And I am still growing.
As long as my values were aligned with God’s Word, then that is what mattered. That was where my value was. I did not need to prove myself to be worthy of love with a man.
For most of life, I felt that if I proved myself worthy to be loved, I would be loved. If I was lovable, pretty, reliable, loyal, and helpful, I would be guaranteed girlfriend material. But I was not. I was overlooked and unappreciated as a sister or reliable friend. WHAT WAS I DOING WRONG!?!
But like I said, that was then. With my maturity in Christ, I realized that my values were my lifestyle. I was not norm but am set apart. With the few men I have dated, my standards did not match theirs. There was conflict and differences in our Biblical values and social values. There was no compatibility and I was not backing down my values to conform to something that I was not.
I know what you are thinking…Bianca, what are your values for dating and relationship and living a God-centered life?I am glad you asked. Here are some of the following standards and values I have:
A consistent relationship with the local church–you can’t walk this Christian life alone. Being involved in a local church and bible study is like putting on my glasses in the morning. I need it to live so I can see.
No sex before marriage. Kissing is fine. But there must be boundaries so we are not tempted by each other.
No clubbing, smoking, drinking, drugs, recklessness of the world, etc.—In this world but not of this world mentality. I have gotten grief about “living your life” but to me, I believe that Christians are tempted by the enemy in certain places and I choose to flee rather go to the temptation. I can’t be a witness if I act just like the people I need to reach (that’s just me.). I know I lose guys in this more than anything because I am looking for a man who is set apart and is trying to live in a manner worthy of Christ.
Culturally, I don’t celebrate Halloween and don’t associate with skull-like things and events. Yes, I know I live in America. But I have learned about my Haitian culture and those things/events align with devil-worshipping. So I don’t celebrate Halloween at all…don’t even want to go to the Christian alternative either because it’s trying to incorporate Jesus with a pagan belief. Again, just my beliefs.
I only want a Christ-follower…no exceptions. Yup, I have heard: Bianca, what if your true love is not a Christian. I just say I don’t think God would hold out his best for me. His best would be someone equally yoked and aligned with Him. So no I don’t believe you.
Yes, I am aware most of the male population does not agree with my values.
But to value myself, I have to stand up for myself and be my authentic self. Once I loved myself, valued myself, and set standards for myself, God would honor my obedience.
Yes, I am still single and growing but I know what I want and God knows what I desire. So I wait and wait…
But at least I love myself enough while waiting for God’s best.