The Fear Is Real

My last set of midterms are over. whew!

Less than 60 days to graduation. oh boy!

Moving to a new city in less than 65 days. oh gosh!

Finding employment with medical benefits, vacation days, paid time off. YIKES!

The Bar is coming. DOUBLE YIKES!

You know that feeling when life was slow and steady and you want life to go faster and it actually gets faster. Life is changing in a matter of months. It is a lot to take in. I do not like change but this change is LIFE-CHANGING.  The season of the single law school student will be no more after December. I will be a Bar prep student/ Bar Exam Taker from December to February. Then what? I am in the general population. I will be waiting for results. But what’s next? The past 8 years of my life have been “planned” with school. But now, the fear is real. The fear of the unknown.

I am truly having to live by faith and not by sight. My security nets are falling away. I am starting fresh in a new season. I am so terrified. BUT, I am always reminded of wise words from my dad: You can never go wrong with Jesus. He has not brought you this far to leave or forsake you.

Like I said, I am scared but these wise words are what I hold on to. For now, I am enjoying the last few months of this long three-year season. But the best is yet to come.

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Dry Leaf of Love

Turning a new leaf does not always mean all of the leaves.

My leaves of life are ever-changing but sometimes I feel like certain leaves change more than others.

Once again, I find myself on social media seeing wedding pictures and the love between two people. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. But sometimes I ask myself, why  hasn’t my leaf of love been changedHonestly, there are moments in my life where I am happy and content. I wave my strong, single independent lady flag high. But sometimes I want a companion who likes me likes me. I would like to be treated out. I’m not all about law school and career goals. Sometimes I want to have someone who gives me butterflies…

I know what you are going to say: He will come when you least expect it. Bianca, marriage is hard work, be happy that you are single. Don’t complain..you have a lot going for you. You’re going to wish you were single when you get married. Enjoy your single hood. Etc…

Yeah thanks but no thanks for your “encouragement.” 27 years of waiting gets to you at times. It is not easy. I am human and I have needs too. My flesh is very weak but I will keep holding out for the best that God has for me. It’s just hard sometimes to really be single.

This is not a cry for help (don’t pity me). I am not requesting phone numbers of single men (please don’t..this is not the Bachelorette). This is a honest perspective of a cool, smart, single Christian lady waiting for love in 2017.

Leaf

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Changing Perspective

Your change means making hard decisions. I have found in my life that cutting people off or distancing myself from certain people support my change. I am really extroverted so I do not like losing people (“friends”). The older I get, more I want a quality of friends rather than a quantity of “so-called friends.” In good times and dark times, a person would want that circle of consistency and love. Right? Right.

Now I find myself guarding myself more. I have introverted tendencies now because I do not trust everyone. It is not a paranoid thing but an awareness of people and their intentions.

My first year of law school was hard because I allowed people to have their way with my thoughts, feelings and perspective. I made not have acted out  the way they did but my emotions affected me. I did not feel worthy or I had to work for people’s “favor”, I would be torn apart while those “friends” kept living.

When I decided to change, remove/distance myself, and guard myself, some people noticed. Some people did not even reach out to me whether by social media or by phone (granted they knew I was alive on social media but did not message me). Some just did not care. That is how you know who is with you. A friend loves at all times. An acquaintance just exists. I realized that I lived my life with acquaintances.

Now my change means discerning people’s intention.  Call it picky and selfish but sometimes you need to be selfish. Be flavorful with your life but also with your choice of friends.

Be sure to surround yourself with true friends. Let your friends reflect the internal change you create.

Flavorful

Blissfully,

Bianca

Happy One Year!!

It started with many people saying I have encouraging words to uplift and my positivity is refreshing…but one person told me you should blog… “I would read your thoughts and words of encouragement.”

So on an August afternoon turned into asking general vague questions on Facebook about me starting a blog, researching the pros/cons and nuances of blogging, seeking advice from my circle. After contemplating, I answered the call.

Now a name…after word searches, asking people, and throwing out names…and a day to mull over my decision, Blissfully Bianca was born.

In this year as a blogger, I have seen my words have power. I have connected with beautiful people from around the country and around the world. I am still learning as I go but the best is yet to come. My year as a blogger has not been solitary  but a great community of friends.

Thank you all for viewing, liking, commenting, giving me feedback, and giving me a platform. Love you all!!

Solitary

Blissfully,

Bianca

Life As Adult Bianca

Do you remember as a teen fantasizing about how adult life would be? How you would eat whatever you want, go out whenever you want, act however you want? Drive, live on your own, pick your own cereal…

Life as an adult is nice but it comes with responsibility.  I am able to handle my adult life (knock on wood). But I did have to be patient in my teen/college years to reach that point. I find myself talking to teens about how to take their time and how adulthood is not some pleasure island.

Let me tell you my current adult life:

  1. School..and schoolwork
  2. Work
  3. Interning
  4. Bills, bills, bills
  5. Budgeting and Couponing
  6. Cleaning and Maintaining my living space
  7. Having fun because I have been indoors too much
  8. Going out to eat with friends on occasion.
  9. Fatigue and Sleepiness
  10. Wake Up and Do it Again

Don’t get me wrong, there are perks of adulthood. But 13-year-old Bianca with light in her eyes about adulthood freedom is very different. I would not change my transitions into adulthood for anything because I am a late bloomer. At 20, I could not handle half of things I handle now at 27.

So life is a process. Don’t rush the process into adulthood. Had I rushed, I would have been overwhelmed. Everyone is different. Everyone functions differently. It is important to maintain grit, discipline and hard work in the now . Don’t doubt your process. You will get where you need to be.

Grit

Blissfully,

Bianca

Blissful Lessons As Intern Bianca

My prayers were answered in May. I became a law clerk for a private firm in Jacksonville. In addition, I signed up to volunteer intern at Legal Aid. After a month as an intern, I thought I might share some lessons.

  1. Never underestimate your skills. I came in thinking I was going to do “legal work” because I thought that is why they wanted me. Then, the office manager said how I would be helping  with legal blogs and marketing tasks…WAIT WHAT!?! I was frustrated at first.  But I realized that in my interview, I said that I was a lifestyle blogger to stand out but who knew that my supervisor would find that as an asset. She published my legal blogs on the firm’s social media page so people are seeing my work. Alrighty!!
  2. Give your best work no matter what the task. So I did legal blogs my first few weeks and did some legal research for my supervisor’s website. But then I got a legal assignment. So the same time and effort I put into my blogs, I kept the same momentum in writing.
  3. Learn. Disclaimer **Just because you go to law school, it does not mean you are an expert in everything*** With my first legal assignment, I was learning as I went along. So you will always be learning on the job which is a good thing but that is a life thing. Since no one is perfect, we are all learning. You have to start from somewhere.
  4. Be flexible. Some days will be busy, some days will be slower but still put your best work and face forward.
  5. Get to know the people you work with.
  6. Have personality.  It is a balance. I am still learning that balance to be professional and not too sweet. That is why I suggest #5. Learn the dynamics before you “show” yourself. But always maintain politeness and curiosity..it never goes out of style.
  7. Try.

So this is life and lessons as an intern.

Blissfully,

Bianca

 

Love Beyond the Photos

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28 years ago, my parents were married at a church in Stamford, Connecticut. The picture above is my favorite picture of them. Two young people with a lifetime ahead. The bottom picture is just a picture that shows their essence overtime.

They never anticipated moving to a different state, never anticipated having a sickle cell child or a child with autism, never anticipated the obstacles ahead. But they knew that they wanted to face life together. They faced triumphs and trials through God’s guidance and providence.

They continue to last beyond their wedding photos. They continue to grow together, get on each other’s nerves, dream together, support each other, respect each other, and love each other.

My parents still have their moments where it seems like they are still dating and young again. It’s icky but cute.

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I want just that. A marriage that lasts beyond the engagement photos and wedding photos. A partnership. A best friend. A bae who will love me in spite of my faults. That is what I hope for.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Blissful, Sunny Birthday!!!

A sunny, new horizon has risen because God has granted me another year of life. It’s my Birthday!!!  I am officially 27 years old.

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It feels great and scary but God has fulfilled, continues to fulfill, and will fulfill His promises. 27 will be a life-changing year with graduation, bar prep, and who knows what is next. Thankful to still be here.

Never take a birthday for granted. Never take another day on Earth for granted. Each day is a sunny day when you open your eyes and you are still you, breathing, walking, and living.

Sunny

Blissfully,

Bianca

Life Before Future Lawyer Bianca

ПечатьFun Fact about me: I wanted to be a pharmacist but after Organic Chemistry, I realized that dream died. But prior to that realization, I had wanted to be lawyer since high school. My dad was against me being a lawyer because his perception of lawyers was “Lawyers lie and can’t be Christian” (weird but true).

My lawyer moment: I went to Haiti on a mission trip after the earthquake. A defining moment of the trip was when I encountered a young boy, about the age of twelve, who did not know how to write his own name. I do not think twice about writing my name because that is one of the first skills I learned in school. At that moment, I thought “How many more people in this world do not know how to write their own name?” I also wondered how many times illiterate people have been taken advantage of, due to a lack of knowledge of what has been written. When I wrote that twelve year old boy’s name on his nametag, he was elated to see his name in ink for the first time. This moment punctured my heart. It changed my outlook. I finally understood why my parents enforced education because there are people (like them) who did not have the same opportunities as me. I had a different worldview that day. From that moment forward, I realized that even the smallest thing, like one’s name, can make a difference and give a person more of an identity.

Since my biology degree was not going to happen, I knew wanted to make a difference, to reach people delegitimized by society. I took a career aptitude test and I lined up with “law-related fields” which brought me back to my original career choice: the law.

Then what happened next was a burning bush moment. After I had a meeting with a Career Services counselor, her secretary said, “A professor left some LSAT study materials and a book of law schools in the U.S.. Do you know anyone that would want them?” Yup…that was my sign. So that was the route I took.

My dad eventually had a change of heart. I changed my major to Political Science and started on the track to where I am now. I am in my last year of law school looking towards the future. I desire to be an immigration attorney, fighting for the people and kids like that young Haitian boy I encountered. I want to use my knowledge for good and for others.

So the moral of the story is: Defining moments can come from anywhere, including your past. Never give up. Keep growing.

Puncture

Blissfully,

Bianca

My Desires, His Order

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This may not seem like much but this was the hands of my Baptist Collegiate Ministry (BCM) team laying hands on my prayer requests. I was a different person in 2013. I was a Senior in college hoping to be a lawyer, wondering if I was good enough or plain crazy. My LSAT was low, rejection letters seemed to come more, and doubt set in. My sister was still living with Sickle Cell Anemia (no bone marrow transplant thoughts yet). Life was scary and uncertain. Yet in the mist of the doubt and uncertainty, my team rallied around me, traced their hands on my requests, and prayed for me.

Little did I know that my sister would have a successful bone marrow transplant a few years later

Little did I know I would be accepted to law school a year later

Little did I know that God was preparing the way for me to move to Jacksonville, Florida

Little did I know that God was doing immeasurably more than I could ask for

I just had to be patient. Even though I felt my path was out of order, God used my team and friends to pray for peace. God knew the order. He always knows the order.

I just had to pray and live by faith. My God is a God of order. All things work for His good.

Order

Blissfully,

Bianca