The Aftermath of Letting Go

I’m not who I used to be. You know the feeling when you feel like you’re not growing but a situation causes you to respond differently than before. It’s like “Oh, I guess I was growing.”

I keep telling you life in my 30s is something to behold.

20s Bianca was very people-pleasing, sensitive, gave too much power to other people’s opinions, and was very much critical of herself. I’m still working on being critical of myself but the other stuff, there is growth. I have noticed that I have the fight in me. I may be small but don’t get it twisted…I come back. I may get frustrated but never to the point of tears. I have more grit and strength than before.

I wish I knew the moment where it clicked. But God works in mysterious ways. He works in silence like the “n” in lasagna. With every setback, hurt, and lesson, it’s molding me.

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Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.-Isaiah 64:8

Molding is active. The experiences are loud but the molding is silent. You may not see the growth just yet. But just know God is working. You will see the fruit and growth eventually.

Keep fighting. God will see you fight and honor it. He molds and will mold you if you allow Him to. I mean to take yourself out of the equation and rely on God. Not taking matters into your own hands but allow God full access in every facet of your life.

You don’t grow until you surrender to fact that you cannot do life alone. It is a daily thing that I have to do but I have seen good come out of it. Like I said, I am not the person I used be.

Blissfully,

Bianca

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Let Go and Be 5-Star

I let go the foolishness of other people’s toxicity levels. If a person wants to live their life at a 2 star-quality of life, let them be who they want to be…but you do not have to stand for their 2-star review of you. Live in your 5-star quality purpose. PERIODT!

I was talking with a dear friend about relationships. This friend ended a relationship simply because it was like pulling teeth with her partner to want better out of life and make healthy lifestyle choices. My friend tries to operate her life at a 5-star quality. Though life is hard for my friend, she perseveres and moves forward. That’s just the way she’s been raised: to live fearfully and wonderfully made by her Creator, to have self-pride, to carry herself well, and to be resilient in spite of her circumstances…5-star living and nothing less.

Life is not perfect but you have to give it all you got.

But her partner functioned at a 2-star. Now, I am not talking looks. I am referring to the quality of life you bring to the table. Your values, your confidence, your goals, etc. etc. When my friend (5 star) got together with her 2-star partner, there were moments of contention. The two star criticized my friend’s 5-star living as if she was vain and self-absorbed…but that could be far of the truth. Her two-star partner has had past relationships with other 2-stars so my friend, the 5 star was so different. So it just created problems and my friend left the relationship cause it was too much.

I’m not trying to judge or put anyone down. Here is my point: every person has a choice in life on whether to rise above or stay stagnant. Whatever you chose is whatever you chose but just know people may not understand your choice. Don’t let a 2-star’s insecurities affect what you are trying to do.

Don’t let someone’s low star quality affect what you are trying to do. Whether you are at 3 or 5 or at least striving for that, don’t let people shame you into a lower level. Yes, you are human and you are allowed to feel emotion BUT if you have the fight in you, don’t let anything nor anyone downgrade you. NEVER!

Let the 2-star BE the 2-star…just not in your presence.

Blissfully,

Bianca

You Are Loved

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. I have never known anyone who took their own life, but I do know friends who have known someone who has. I really don’t know what to say. Every person has struggles and for some, it is hard to face life.

I heard this song from Cleo Sol. Listen to her words and know that it comes from my heart. “You are loved even if you don’t love yourself.“

You matter. I am wrapping my arms around you. I am here to pray with you, to talk to you, and to care for you. If not me, please talk to someone. The Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. Or, you can chat on https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. Don’t hold your pain in. Don’t go away. You are loved.

Blissfully,

Bianca

For My Gain and Not At My Expense: Take Care of You

A person like myself wants to please often. I would rather limit my wants for someone else to be comfortable. #peoplepleasingproblems. I will alter my boundaries to accommodate someone else…at my own expense. And for what? discomfort and for my needs to not be met. Really Bianca!?!

To some like me, this is the norm but not for Simone Biles nor Naomi Osaka. It seems revolutionary but it is the essence of self care. Even at the height of greatness, choose yourself. They both choose self and self preservation over society. You would think to have fame, resources, and access would mean you are set and happy…absolutely NOT! If two beautiful, talented, great athletes need a break, then even little ole me, can figure out ways to choose myself.

Were people outraged? Yes

Were people disappointed? Yes.

Did they die? No.

No one lives your life. Ultimately, no one is living in your body but you. If saying no saves your life and sanity, do it. I’m learning to choose me. Whether it be taking intentional breaks at work, eating alone to recharge, saying no, therapy, breathing exercises, etc. etc…I choose myself. Some people are willing to take and take and take…and they could care less about your needs. Act on what you need. Now we are all not like Ms. Biles nor Ms. Osaka, but find a way to choose yourself in the spaces you inhabit. To some, you are replaceable. But you are only you for a moment in time.

Take care of yourself.

Choose you.

Blissfully,

Bianca

For My Gain and Not At My Expense: Ask

I’d like to think I am superwoman. I can do anything and everything. I don’t want to seem weak or that I am incapable. I would rather take things on myself at the expense of depletion of mind, body, and spirit. At my expense, I thought I could hold together. But at my expense, I experience heartache, anxiety, depression, anguish, and pretty much the Devil’s lies.

In reality, I would be crumbling. My self sufficiency was my downfall. Pride was my downfall. I believe as a black woman, we, as a collective, have this narrative of being strong. But the thing is you can only be strong for so long. I would fake being ok. I would fake strength out of fear of being considered weak. That was the cycle.

Something I have uncovered in therapy is allowing myself the freedom of not being tired and worn out. Speak up. Why hold in what you can let go? The worst that can be said is “No, I can’t help you.” No one will die. The world will not end. And I will be no less Bianca than when I asked for help. I believe when I think of asking like that…it changes the narrative. It opens a level of vulnerability because I am allowing myself relief and letting people in.

I usually don’t let people into the inner parts of my mind and soul. It’s just easier. But at what cost? I am easily the friend to come to with your problems. A person can pour out their soul to me. But why do I not allow myself that openness and kindness to pour my heart to my own friends. That is what I am learning…asking for the help and the listening I give to others. It is preventable so I need to speak up.

Yes, guard your heart because everyone is not your friend. But lately, God has sent genuine people my way. For whatever reason, they check on me. They ask me what do I need. WHAT!?! Like really!?! Yes, little old Bianca can be cared for. So I challenged myself to speak up the past few months. I have been speaking up by asking for prayer, guidance, and a friend who will listen. And these friends have delivered more than what I could have asked for. It has done my heart well and mental health better.

It’s still hard to break the cycle cause I want to still be strong. But I know I am not strong without God’s help and guidance in the resources and people He puts in my path. However, I need to ask and be open and vulnerable to receive what I need.

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“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”-Matthew 7:7

Ask…what’s the hurt in asking what you need?

Blissfully,

Bianca

For My Gain and Not For My Expense: God Is Writing My Story

God holds it all together. Me, you, humanity, and everything under heaven. It’s hard to remember sometimes. This pandemic has shifted everything. Even in my life, I felt the pandemic messed up plans, hopes, and dreams. In my life, things have been delayed for whatever reason, even before the pandemic.

It’s hard sometimes. I feel like God has put me through the ringer. I had such plans for my life when I was a 17 year old high school graduate…boy, was I wrong…

But even in the disappointments and uncertainty, I held on to God. Now, I was not happy all the time. I still struggle today. It is hard to see friends and colleagues succeed while I was/am stuck. It is hard seeing the social media shimmer and shine while I am just trying to function and not have a meltdown. But I have to keep going. To stop living life is to lose. I was literally moving by faith hoping for God to change the circumstance in the valley. I have moments of mourning and anxiety when things go wrong. It just hurts. But like Job, I will not denounce God…I just try my best to live for Him.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord  in the land of the living.-Psalm 26:13

Here comes this song by Maverick City Music-You Hold It All Together. The lyrics are so real. God always comes at the right time. God is still writing my story. Yes, my chapters are different from everyone else but that does not mean God is not working.

I know that God has good in store for me. I do get anxious. However, I know that my life is in His hands. He holds it together. God’s plan is for my gain and His Glory, not to my detriment nor expense.

Bliss Fam, we all carry so much but God still has a plan. Don’t give up. God is holding this crazy thing called life together. He loves us even when life is hard.

My favorite lyric is: God of my present, God of my future, You write my story, You hold it all together

He was always there, He is still there, and He will always be there.

Hang in there, Bliss Fam. God is still writing mine and our story.

Blissfully,

Bianca

For My Gain and Not At My Expense: Be Brave To Leave

I am such a people pleaser and seek to be validated. I always felt the need to serve and go above and beyond to prove my worth even at the expense of being drained and not being given back the same service. This is true in all facets of my life. It is the same vicious cycle.

I am not appreciated nor valued though my work is unmatched. My work ethic is solid. My energy is positive and good. So why do I sell myself so short?–probably because I do not think I can do better or I’ve been disappointed so much that I would take scraps than nothing at all…the need to be wanted. A whole lot of things…

Until a defining moment where I left a situation that did not serve me nor appreciate my abilities–it was scary but there is no reason to stay in the situation. I gave my all but came up with little. I received and accepted scrap metal when I was giving gold. I was physically, emotionally, mentally, and emotionally drained. Then my dear mom said, “Leave.”

Leave? I thought my mom was crazy. But there is truth in that one word.

I am learning I don’t need to stay where I am not wanted nor valued. If people do not understand, you do not owe them an explanation. Just leave.

I wish it could be easy to do. I wish I could tell you that all answers will be solved. I wish I could say there will be an easy transition.

All I can say is to trust God and yourself for the next step. You have to leap in faith and know that God’s got you . Sometimes you need to leave to see and know your worth. Hold your head high and move forward. Leave and know your value and be brave to leave something that does not add to you.

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It’s ok to leave when something doesn’t serve you.

Blissfully,

Bianca

A Leap of Faith

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It’s ok to be scared but leap. God’s got you. In this past week, I had to choose whether to leap in faith or let my toxic pride cloud the help I needed.

I knew what I wanted to do but it was just terrifying. I asked God for one thing and He gave me something different. He likes to do that.

I am a cautious person so I don’t like surprises nor uncertainty about what is next. I am a type A planner, control freak through and through. But, that’s not faith. It’s fear. Fear is quite the monster. Fear is a thief of life itself. You can either give into it or fight with faith. Toxic pride creates a control freak mentality over everything and I get so frustrated when things are different than my plans. My anxiety goes through the roof and the past mistakes creep up. I am on edge. Fear cripples and eats me alive.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.-Hebrews 11:1

Faith in action is hard. It’s not a noun but a verb. It’s a daily exercise and practice. Faith is going into the unknown but it is also knowing that God is ever-present leading and guiding you. He knows you (and I) are scared but He’s a Comforter and Sustainer. He will not let you fall no matter how many times you (and I) think otherwise. Breathe. Inhale and Exhale. It’s scary but God’s got you. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

So I just wanted to share that. It’s ok to be scared. We are human. Every day is a battle. But just know God is with you even in the unknown places and decisions we need to make. Leap in faith. When God puts faith inside of you, all things are possible. With that comes surrender to self and pride. Fear does not allow you leap, faith does. Trusting God takes faith not fear only. Living takes faith not fear.

So leap in faith.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Serve In the Waiting

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Something God has taught me is there is purpose in the waiting. When God calls you to wait, it is not like a waiting room at a doctor’s office where you fiddle your thumbs till your name is called. No, God is preparing you for the next moment or season of life.

I say this because I am in a long season of waiting. Initially, I thought waiting was pointless like a waiting room. I just existed and tried to live. But life is more than pleasing myself. Through time and some growth, I realized the true meaning of “the wait.”

One thing I know about God is that He does not work idly, thinking as He goes. He creates moments of preparation for the next thing. God created the universe in seven days. Could He have just snapped His finger and make everything come into existence? Yes. But He chose to take His time to create and fashion everything.

God would bring different people to my path and for whatever reason had a need. Whether it was a church friend, family, friends, or stranger, their presence served a purpose. Whether it was meeting a simple need or using my skills to serve another, God had a purpose for it. God did not let my skills and talents go to waste. I was and continue to be in preparation. My biggest cheerleader, my mom will encourage me to act or volun-tell me to act and tell me to remember there is blessing in my obedience. AHA! Blessing in obedience. That’s not to say that you serve to get something in return every time BUT God honors our obedience. We act on His Will and Plan, not in our own power.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.-Galatians 6:9

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;  fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!-Psalm 37:6-7

Waiting is hard. Believe me, this season has gone longer than I thought but I am learning that God has the Master Plan. My dear friend said to me, “HOW you wait is what is important.” Complaining and anxious thoughts do not help me wait. It hinders the lesson of the wait. Each day is a struggle but God makes a way out as long as I am willing to obey. So I serve in whatever capacity God reveals and I make the best of each moment in each day. Yes, I have to remain still and know God will work it out. Yes, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me. But I am never too far away for the Holy Spirit to get me back on track.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

Ultimately, the waiting will result in a prosperous future whether it be financial wealth, spiritual growth, character, and other various ways. But this I know: God upholds the outcome but also uphold me and you in waiting.

Blissfully,

Bianca

Believe With Bianca: Preach Truth & Be Still

We can all be our worst critic…I am preaching to the choir on this. A deep realization of growth is learning to preach truth to myself and be still. For me, it is staying in God’s Word, the real truth that speaks life.

But, I’m not gonna lie…sometimes I read Scripture and there is no spark or burning bush revelation. Yes, the Bible is God-breathed and active (2 Timothy 3:16). But God’s instruction may cause different responses. Yes, I get conviction and truth but lately, I have been still in His truth and put a verse(s) in my Christian tool box.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;-Psalm 46:10a

I have been learning to take in scripture and really marinate on a specific truth in my life. I just need to be still. My mind just races constantly about the future. Will life fall into place with my career, with friendships, with a romantic relationship, marriage, children, etc? I almost give myself headaches and anxiety just thinking about an unknown future.

But I am learning to be still. Easier said than done. I remind myself not to worry for what will it add to my life?(Matthew 6:27). Absolutely nothing. The Enemy is trying me but I feel greater is coming…that’s why he is working so hard.

A passage that causes me to be still and preach to myself is: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.-Philippians 1:6

I am choosing to be still and preach currently: God completes what He starts. So God is not done with me and the things that worry me will be completed in Jesus’ name and timing.

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What do you need to be still and preach truth to yourself about?

Blissfully,

Bianca