I’m not who I used to be. You know the feeling when you feel like you’re not growing but a situation causes you to respond differently than before. It’s like “Oh, I guess I was growing.”
I keep telling you life in my 30s is something to behold.
20s Bianca was very people-pleasing, sensitive, gave too much power to other people’s opinions, and was very much critical of herself. I’m still working on being critical of myself but the other stuff, there is growth. I have noticed that I have the fight in me. I may be small but don’t get it twisted…I come back. I may get frustrated but never to the point of tears. I have more grit and strength than before.
I wish I knew the moment where it clicked. But God works in mysterious ways. He works in silence like the “n” in lasagna. With every setback, hurt, and lesson, it’s molding me.
Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.-Isaiah 64:8
Molding is active. The experiences are loud but the molding is silent. You may not see the growth just yet. But just know God is working. You will see the fruit and growth eventually.
Keep fighting. God will see you fight and honor it. He molds and will mold you if you allow Him to. I mean to take yourself out of the equation and rely on God. Not taking matters into your own hands but allow God full access in every facet of your life.
You don’t grow until you surrender to fact that you cannot do life alone. It is a daily thing that I have to do but I have seen good come out of it. Like I said, I am not the person I used be.