In this current season, my list of rules transform with time, experiences, and seasons. I believe that the older you get, the more you realize things about yourself. Being 30 for almost a year, my attitude has changed. I am allergic to BS and I learn to abstain from toxicity. So here is a blissful tips I apply in my life.
Be a good citizen– No, this is not about a title or stamp of national citizenship. My mom always told me this. Be a person with integrity, kindness, respect, and humility to others.
Words matter– Especially in the day and age, words can really have an effect on others. I don’t say being politically correct. It is acknowledging what you say and how you say it. Everyone is different so read the room when you speak.
Be a bridge-With the heightened need of change and justice for marginalized communities, my form of advocacy is being a bridge by teaching and giving perspective. You don’t know if someone does not tell you. That does not mean people cannot figure things out but I try to be a resource if need be.
See others the way Christ sees them– I try to love others because we are all created in God’s image. Disrespecting and discriminating against someone is discriminating against God.
Listen and be open– I tell myself this. With different opinions, I cannot talk over people and say “I’m right; you’re wrong.” Nothing gets solved. But I can open my mind to different perspectives. It does not mean I will agree all the time. It is a perspective that is all. I have the power to do what I want to do with being open.
If it does not add value or feed my soul, eliminate it. It’s social media, it’s dating, and everything in-between. Life is too short to deal with negativity and accepting it. Nah fam…not worth my mental health.
Do my best. Life is not perfect but I can do what I can and let it be.
It’s interesting seeing grandiose celebrations like America’s Inauguration Day, Bastille Day Celebrations in France, and the Queen’s Jubilee in the UK. The fancy clothing, the pretty horses, the waving of flags, the performances, and the fanfare of it all for one day or moment.
But when it was Jesus, it was nothing of the sort. Compared to the above events, it would actually be underwhelming to today’s standards. There would be no big ratings or live streaming in all news stations and social media. It would not be a trending topic on Twitter. It would be too boring exactly.
But that never mattered to Jesus. Could Jesus have done the grand celebration? Yes. But, He did not. He humbled Himself which attests to His nature and character.
He was the KING but he would not act as an earthly king. An earthly king thought of himself but King Jesus thought about all people. Actually, I believe Jesus wanted to distinguish Himself. Set His Kingdom apart from the empires of the day. His Kingdom would be eternal.
His humanity went beyond a fleeting, grand celebration and entry. For what He was about do would show a grander, more promising eternity for humanity itself.
God has been teaching so much in this current season of life. A big thing I have been working through is speaking kindness, grace, and truth to myself.
I am my own worst critic. I can speak kinder to a stranger than my own soul. When my plans don’t go as planned or I deal with setbacks, I just fall in despair and allow the Enemy to speak lies. My anxiety is heightened and I get into this headspace of hopelessness. I am blessed to have people in my life to encourage me, to lead me to Christ, and to pray for me. Though I am glad I have them, they should be the last people I go to.
Sometimes I feel God is so silent, it’s almost like I am all alone (but that’s the Enemy). In all actuality, I’m not alone; I am just not still. That is a problem: It’s hard to be still when your mind is running 500 miles an hour.
I had a moment of anxiety last week and my family and friends said “Do not worry about the unknown. God has a plan.” I have struggled with when this current season will shift. I am in a season of waiting and it’s hard. It just weighed heavily last week.
And I was reminded of these verses:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 4:6-7
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11
So I am working on being kinder to myself. Give myself credit on how far I have come while waiting for the next step. Easier said than done but I am trying to take charge of my mental health and being. Knowing God’s Word helps fight the thoughts that can run me ragged. Doing my quiet time and being present in the moment. Interacting with fellow believers to keep me accountable. And stop and breath.
A mantra I say some times is “daily bread.” I am referring to the Lord’s Prayer passage, “give us this day our daily bread.” I repeat it because it reminds me to be present now. I can focus what God has put in front of me and that’s all. That is what I need: daily bread from the One who gives it freely.
This revelation is not based on luck but on self-care and personal discernment for better. It is my form of self-care. Self-care is not just the physical things one does. I love to shop, get my nails done, have brunch, paint, etc. etc. But self-care is also the emotional and mental ways you care for your mind.
Like all of you, I am a work in progress. I am flawed but loved by a perfect Savior. I don’t reach perfection in this life. I have to keep bearing fruit allowing God to prune and grow me. So this is my growth and my self-care journey.
This past week marked a year since the world stopped. The pandemic shifted everything. Everything slowed down. Toilet paper and cleaning wipes were selling out like hot cakes. New cases skyrocketing, Death tolls rising…and rising.
As weeks turned into months, it just seemed like there was no end in sight.
God is still God. God had a plan. He knew that the world would stop. God tested us. He is still testing us. And He still has a plan.
It is so hard. I just want things to be normal. But being uncomfortable is the perfect place for God to stretch you.
God stretched me. I had to lean on Him, and not my own understanding. God showed me grace and love. My dog was my saving grace and we spent time together. My family and I were together and were “learning” each other. I had to stop and assess my sanity and eliminate toxicity around me. I had to assess what I cared about. I waited on God and got a job. I decided to take hold of my mental health. I prioritized what is worth my time and what does not.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.-James 1:2-4
We are still in a pandemic. There is so much uncertainty. But, let perseverance finish its work. It takes pressure to make something beautiful. This is not to say pain is great. It’s not. I will be the first to say I don’t like suffering but I know I would not need a Savior if life was perfect.
Hold on, Bliss fam. We will make it. God has a plan. He finishes what He starts. And you can take that to the bank.
So dating…am I right!?! It’s hard. To find a descent, quality Christian guy, HARDER!! You try to put yourself out there and come up empty.
For the longest time, during my 20s, I thought there was something truly wrong with me. I did not know how to flirt nor play the “game.” I just could not attract anyone. If I did, short-lived and never went pass a few dates. After such failure in the dating realm, you start thinking “Is there something wrong with me?” “What do I need to change?” “Am I worthy?” Though your friends, peers, and family tell you, “Bianca, you are awesome. You are *insert kind compliment*” Are they bluffing? Are they being nice? If I’m so great, then why can’t a guy see that? What is wrong with me?
Even now, dating sucks just a new decade. BUT I have a realization: I have standards that most men cannot keep up with. I get that we are all a work in progress but there has to be some striving. I am a driven, determined woman and I guess it shows. I have big dreams I want to experience but have existing accomplishments to be proud of. I am loyal to my family, my Lord, and my responsibilities. I am sure of myself. I am intentional about how I act. I will not be pressured to do anything nor lower my standards for a guy.
Call me intense or really committed but I just call it being about something. I guess some guys can’t hang and that is on them, not me.
I am told sometimes, “Bianca, you are so lucky to be single. Don’t waste it.
I’m not lucky to be single just because. I am blessed to know myself well enough to know what I will not stand for. I don’t want to settle. Guys tend to dismiss themselves from me and that saves me time. I don’t want to sell myself short for someone who does not appreciate who I am and my standards. I’m single cause I want God’s best addition to my life. To grow with someone, to be challenged by someone to be the best version I can, to be myself with, and to just be with.
If it takes a lifetime, ok. I will work on myself and keep going. If God has a husband for me, awesome sauce! If not, I will be fine because my standards for my well-being have brought me this far (plus I will get a dog). God’s got me and I will keep it moving.
New Life Alert: I found a job and have been working since December. YAY!!
A true blessing in the mist of the pandemic. The story is quite amazing and only God could have orchestrated the events.
Let’s go back 8 years. Fresh college graduate with dreams of being an attorney. Where to start..I did not know.
My proud mom of a new graduate was telling her boss about my aspirations. Her boss said “I have a cousin who’s a lawyer. Let me call him.” Let’s call him Lawyer X. I got Lawyer X’s contact and emailed him. My mom’s boss said “He’ll be expecting you.” I emailed him, interviewed with him, and I became his intern.
It was a great experience. Being a lawyer is not like the television shows. It takes hard work and preparation to give adequate representation for a client. He was a quiet man but wise, really smart, and a Christian. I learned the best professional lessons of life from him.
Though it was only for the summer, we still kept in touch over the years. Always great encouragement and sage wisdom whenever we talked and emailed one another.
Let’s fast forward to November 2020 (I know..bad memories but bear with me). I was still looking for a job which was already hard as it was. I contacted Lawyer X and just asked, “If anywhere is hiring, please let me know.” He said he would be on the lookout. In mid-November, he emails me that there is a job opening: part-time and a lot of work but it will give me good experience.
I applied. I got an interview. I got the job. YAY!! (Mom gave me the biggest mama hug. She’d been praying really hard for me.)
I get there. I am getting acclimated to my new position. I talked how I was referred to this job by Lawyer X. My supervisor said, “Oh Judge X, we love him.”
HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE!!! I did a “That’s So Raven” vision vortex space out (90’s-00s Disney Channel reference) and remembered a few years back Lawyer X said he was a Judge at one of the local courts, part-time.
***Leaving vision vortex. Back to reality***
I totally forgot and did not remember which court Lawyer X (now Judge X) was at. Could Lawyer/Judge B have told my supervisor about me!?! Maybe… I did not know. When Judge X came to court for his hearings, we would talk some and get to our work. He never mentioned if he had anything to do it. But, I knew Judge X would never tell me if he had a hand in me getting hired.
About a month ago, I was doing some work for my supervisor. She complimented how I have been a big help and she is so glad Judge X told her about me. AHA! He did have something to do with it. My supervisor said how she was asking Judge X if he knew anyone who needed a job who was organized and a hard worker. Well not to toot my own horn, but I did a darn good job as a summer intern. She was hoping that I applied…she even said she waited for my application.
WOW! An internship from 8 years ago got me the job I have now.
I know this is a long story but here is the purpose. My parents have always said ” A strong work ethic will bring you far in life.” It does and it did.
Yes, God worked in His providence to get me my job but also, my work ethic was my calling card and my resume. Showing your best work and skills will work out in your favor. It may not be immediate…it may take years but don’t fail to work hard in whatever you do.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.- Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever it is you are doing at a job, volunteering, serving your community, or a summer internship, DO IT WELL.
No matter how big or small your job is, your best work can lead to a bigger blessing.
I received rejection letters from countless employers. I was almost used to the rejection but God’s plan was bigger. My past experience led me to my job. My humble internship was not in vain. Lawyer/Judge X took notice and remembered and God made him remember me.
So it’s not luck that I got my job, it was evidence of God’s mighty hand through my work ethic as a former intern that got me where I am. I am truly in awe of how amazing all of this came together. But, I guess God makes things happen that way…and He’s not done yet.
Before all the commercials, social media presence, and businesses promoting ” the black experience” ends, I wanted to share my feelings this Black History Month.
In January, I began a new journey: therapy. It’s been a long time coming but it was the best thing for me. Before you start asking, “What’s wrong with Bianca? Are you ok? Are you in crisis,” CHILE Y’ALL, ya girl is fine. It’s just that I needed to take care of my mind, body, and spirit.
The first thing my therapist and I dove into was racial identity. A lot of things came up. The thought of not being black enough and being too white has been the story of my life. I was always different and hurt by my own because I was “not black enough.” I did not realize how 20 years of struggling with racial identity came out in the first few therapy sessions. I was hurt, broken, and unworthy cause I was told that. Growing up I felt like I had to chose a color.Whether I wanted to be with the culture or not.
In our sessions, we went into experiences where I was hurt by my own people. I shared my childhood and school experiences. Things that happened 20 years STILL affected me. I was telling my therapist all the times and ways I was not considered black: my clothes, the way I spoke, my academic successes, my white friends, and others. As our therapy sessions continue and I divulged more, my therapist impressed upon me how my experiences do not make me any more white or black; it’s me. Let me repeat: My experiences do not make me any more white or black.
My life has caused me to be a bridge of unity. I get to be in spaces that are different. I get to experience life from different lenses, people, and perspectives. I just bring people together. I interact with everyone. That is fine. I’m Bianca. I am not black because I do XYZ. I am not “white” because I do XYZ. I choose to live because I am Bianca. I am forging a path for myself.
Being black is not a monolith. There are so many ways to express black excellence, black culture, and black life. For so long, ignorant gatekeepers made me feel less than thus I did not feel I could represent the culture or “be black enough.” Not anymore. I am responsible for myself and sanity. No one lives my life, only me. Why let that toxicity rule my mind? Why not live as who God made me. Why not!?!
I am enough. I am worthy. I am ME!
The experiences I have are unique to me. I am black and Haitian-American. I am a Christian. I have different perspectives in the way I move and navigate through life and that’s fine. I am my own black history. I get to be Bianca. No color nor culture should define me to be something I am not. I should just be.